Years without you

His patience-continued

Lan Zhan had come home from teaching his classes almost 3 hours ago and there was no sign of his husband. He had spent the first two hours meditating and going through his student's papers. But now he was getting slightly, very slightly antsy.

Lans do not get antsy. It is such an unsuitable description. 

Lan Zhan ventured finally went into the bedroom to see if his husband had made the bed. Surprisingly the bed was made. Since they had gotten married Wei Ying had only one rule in the house. 

To not make the bed.

Lan Zhan was very strict when it came to cleanliness that even the students were scared of ever scattering books in the library. It was no surprise when it came to the second master Lan's temper when he found scattered library books. It was the same when it came to making the bed as soon as the dawn broke. It was a habit he was not willing to change. Until he got married.

They had constantly made love during their early years of marriage. It may have simmered down now, but it had not disappeared. Sometimes they made love the whole day that the sheets were tangled all day through. Lan Zhan would get up to make it and Wei Ying would pull him back down into the sheets. 

Eventually, Lan Zhan saw a practical solution to this dilemma. They agreed that they would only make the bed when one of them is not present in the house. That way there was no possibility of making love. Lan Zhan still made sure that the sheets were washed regularly but had given up on keeping the bed neat. It was haphazard on most days. 

Surprisingly, today the bed was made. And in the middle of the huge bed was a single unopened letter. He picked up the lavender scented letter. It had his name on it with a simple 'happy birthday'.

He was confused. His birthday was yesterday. He delicately opened the letter.

"Dearest Lan Zhan,

My love from the heavens.

How will I ever find the right words to tell you how I feel every day I wake up next to you. How can I ever tell you what your heartbeat means to me? How can I ever speak these words to you without shedding tears? That is why I have written you this letter.

Love was this strange family that took me in when I lost my life at the tender age of five. love was lotus pier and its people that welcomed me with open arms. Love was the smiling child that offered me his last fruit. Love was Shije's cooking on rainy mornings. now?

Love is you waking up before me every morning and placing kisses on my eyelids. Love is when you look at me with those eyes that seem to encompass the entire world. Love is your sandalwood breath on my skin. Love is your arms around me. Love is the way you smile so secretively. Love was the way you fought to save me in that cave. How was I so blind? Why couldn't I see your heart then? Why didn't you ask me to? Why did you kiss me in secret?

Why?

Why didn't you ask me to love you? Why didn't you ask me to marry you? Why? Were we young? Was I blind? Was I reckless? Was it all my fault?

I love you.

I love you enough to move the mountains. Enough to steal the sun for you. Enough to leave everything I have ever known just to hear your voice. To hear you call my name during those cold nights. Did you know that I would do everything I did all over again....If it meant that I get to be with you? I would suffer through a thousand rebirths just to be called yours again.

I am no poet. I can only write what my heart tells me to. 

I found the letters.