Chapter 9

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After staring at the ceiling pretty much since I had climbed into bed hours ago, I decided to get up and make a start while the house was quiet, so I left a snoring Happy and Alex in bed and made my way downstairs. By five am I had the chilli Gemma had made the day before in the crock pot to slowly heat up, all the sandwiches made, wrapped and put back in the fridge, as well as all sides put into bowls and back in the fridge too. I was sitting on the back porch watching the dogs run around when I heard the door open, Koz came and sat next to me holding two cups and handed me one. ‘Did you manage to get any sleep Luce?’ he asked as he lit a smoke.

‘Nope, never actually managed to close my eyes. Can’t seem to turn my brain off.’

‘Understandable really, but you need to try Luce. I know what you are like when you have shit on your mind, you go til you literally crash.’

‘Yeah I know Koz but I can’t believe he’s gone, maybe today will help it finally sink in. I keep waiting for him to walk in and say it has all been some fucked up prank.’

‘I know Luce, maybe it will help that Alex is going back to Charming with Happy tomorrow, give you some time’ he said. Alex had asked yesterday if he could go back to Charming a few weeks earlier than planned and stay there for the rest of the summer. After I had talked to Happy and then Gemma about it I decided it would be for the best, especially since I still had to empty Matt’s house. I really didn’t think it would be a good idea for him to be there for that, so when I had booked their return flights yesterday I booked one for Alex as well.

‘Here is hoping Koz. Kelly is gonna speak to her brother about me renting a storage unit on his lot to put the stuff in I want to keep from Matt’s place til I can decide what to do with it all.’

‘You sure you don’t want me to stay a few extra days? I spoke to Lee yesterday and he said it wasn’t a problem.’

‘No Koz I will be fine, plus I know how much you hate packing shit up’ I said trying to convince not only him but also myself. I was dreading having to do this, especially with them all leaving but I knew that they all had lives to get back to and couldn’t expect them to stay to be my emotional crutch. They had all dropped everything to be there for me and Alex, but with Alex going with his dad tomorrow I knew I had to hold myself together til then and then I could completely fall apart when I was on my own. I had always been like that when things got heavy and as Koz looked at me we both knew it but he simply nodded and looked out at the dogs as I got up to refill both our cups.

Within the next hour we were all up and drinking coffee on the porch not saying much as we waited for Alex to wake up. I decided to have a shower before waking him up but as I walked into my room he was sitting up and rubbing his eyes. I told him I was having a shower and that everyone was downstairs, he simply nodded and got up. I dressed in a simple black dress and paired it with some flats, didn’t bother with any make up and after I blew dried my hair I went into Alex’s room, got his black jeans and shirt out and hung them on his closet door, knowing that as we didn’t have a car service he was likely to be riding to the funeral home with Happy on the bike. Koz had been using mine whilst he was here and Gemma would be riding with me in my car. When I went downstairs Gemma tried to convince me to have something to eat but I honestly wasn’t sure I would be able to keep anything down so I simply shook my head as I got another coffee and went outside to smoke. They all took turns getting showered and dressed and before I was ready it was time to make our way there. We were the first ones to arrive and I asked for a few minutes alone, even though it was a closed casket I needed to spend a last few minutes with Matt just me and him. Alex was plastered to Happy’s side as I made my way into the funeral home. I have never been a religious person but I knelt in front of the coffin and bowed my head as if began speaking quietly. ‘Matt what the fuck am I meant to do without you, this was never the plan. We were meant to grow old together so we could terrorise the nurses in the home we planned on moving into to. We had it all planned and then you went and left me. You were the best big brother I could have ever asked for. You were there for me when I was at my lowest points and I will forever be grateful that you were. I love you and I can’t believe I have to do this without you’ I said before getting up and wiping my eyes.

I made my way outside and walked towards Alex. ‘Hey baby, want to come and say bye to uncle Matt before everyone gets here?’ I asked and when he nodded I held out my hand, which he took but he grabbed Happy’s too and when Happy looked at me I simply nodded and the three of us made our way into the room with Hap closing the door behind us. Alex stopped halfway up the aisle and looked at me. ‘Mom what am I meant to say?’ he asked me with tears in his eyes.

‘Whatever you want to baby, I told him that I loved him and that I would miss him. Tell him whatever you are feeling ok?’ I said as he let go of both of our hands and made his way towards the coffin. He didn’t kneel but placed a hand on it. ‘Uncle Matt I am gonna miss you, I love you. Thank you for teaching me all the cool stuff you did, I will never forget you. Mom says that you’re in heaven and that you are with your mom and dad. That makes me happy cause I know you missed them just like how I am gonna miss you.’ he said before his shoulders began to shake as he cried which made my eyes fill again but Happy walked to him, put a hand on his shoulder and guided him towards me. When they reached me Happy pulled me to him on his other side in a one arm hug and guided us both back to where the others were standing. We all stood there for a few minutes Happy’s arm still around me on one side and Alex on the other when we saw cars starting to pull into the lot. Kelly and AJ walked up first followed by everyone from the garage and all our friends.

After the humanist gave a lovely speech I got up to give the eulogy desperate to get it over with as I knew it was going to break my heart. As I stood behind the stand I didn’t even bother to get what I had wrote out of the pocket of my dress, I was just going to simply speak from my heart. ‘I thought long and hard about what I could say but the truth is that there isn’t enough time to list all that was good about him. He was my best friend, at the lowest point of my life he was there for me and held me together when I honestly couldn’t do it myself. He gave me a family when I felt like I didn’t have one anymore. Matt was the best uncle to Alex my son that anyone could ever hope for. He was the brother I never asked for and I will miss him everyday for the rest of my life. I know he is probably looking down at me now scowling cause I am crying. I can picture him motioning with his hands for me to wrap this up and mouthing to me that I am prattling on about things that everyone knew about him cause he was awesome.’ I said and chuckled as did most of them who knew him because that was just typical Matt. ‘He was taken far too soon, but he is now with his parents who I know he missed everyday and for that I am grateful.’ I finished and I turned to the coffin, kissed my fingers and placed them on it before walking back to my seat next to Alex.

The humanist got up and said a few more words before telling everyone that the wake would be held at my house in an hour. After I thanked him for a lovely service I made my way outside thanking everyone for coming. Alex wanted to ride back with Happy, so me and Gemma made our way back towards my car, she took my keys off me saying that she would drive back for which I was grateful.

Several hours later my house was finally emptying of people. I was grateful that so many people had come to pay their last respects to Matt, but with not much sleep over the last few days and all the rushing about I had done, I just wanted to shower put my sweats back on and cuddle up with Alex for a few hours knowing that tomorrow he would be in Charming and I had to start getting everything organised with Matt’s estate. Hank had told me before he left that he didn’t want me in the garage for the next few days and that he had it all sorted, but he would come over to Matt’s tomorrow night after the garage was closed and help me if I needed it and he would text me tomorrow before giving me a hug and a kiss on the cheek as he left.

After clearing up all the dishes that were left and starting the dish washer I made my escape upstairs for a few minutes.

Happy

The last few days in Boston had evoked emotions in me I had never felt before, I had this strong urge to protect not only Alex but Lucy as well. Helping out in the garage whilst Lucy and Gemma had organised everything for the funeral on Monday had helped and I actually saw Alex smile for the first time in days, but it wasn’t the smile I was used to getting when he was in Charming. On Sunday he asked if he could come back with me on Tuesday and it nearly broke my heart when I looked him in the eyes, he was devastated and as much as Lucy was she agreed that he could, even though I could tell it was the last thing she wanted. Just like all those years ago she was putting everyone else above what she wanted and I can admit to myself that I admire her a great deal for it. I could see whenever I looked at her that she was barely hanging on to the grip she had on her emotions, but when I spoke to Koz he told me that she would wait til she was alone before letting them get the better of her especially for Alex’s sake. When Alex grabbed my hand after Lucy had asked him if he wanted to say goodbye before everyone else got there I looked at Lucy to make sure that it was ok, I didn’t want to intrude on something between the two of them. Even though I managed to keep my expression the same it nearly brought me to my knees seeing my son break down as he told his uncle that he loved him and that he would miss him. I didn’t even think about it when I wrapped arm him as well as Lucy as I led them out of the room to wait for people to arrive, I didn’t miss the looks that passed between Tig and Koz either but now was not the time to tell them to mind their own fucking business. The service was over quite quickly and Lucy had told us previously that Matt wasn’t religious and that a humanist would being saying a speech before she gave her eulogy. When she was crying and talking it took all my strength to keep myself in my chair next to Alex and not go and wrap my arms around her, which was something I thought I never feel for a woman other than my ma but I pushed the thought to the back off my brain and simply squeezed Alex’s hand as he started crying quietly beside me.

When we got back to Lucy’s and the house started to fill up with people for the wake Alex and I went and sat in the garden on the bench in the corner with the dogs and ate the food I had brought out for us, neither of us speaking but I could tell that the house was too crowded for us both. I could see through the windows that Lucy and Gemma were walking around making sure everyone had what they needed but when Lucy was alone in the kitchen I could see the mask slip a little before someone came in and she put it firmly back in place. A few hours later we were still sitting there but Tig, Koz and AJ had joined us. Lucy came out to ask Alex to come say bye to some people and that saw us all making our way back into the house. I was standing in the corner of the kitchen with Koz when we both saw Lucy make her way upstairs and after a few minutes as Koz made the step to go follow I shook my head and after checking Alex was still on the sofa with AJ made my way upstairs.

I looked into Alex’s room on the way past but it was empty and Lucy’s was too when I walked in but I heard a noise behind the closed bathroom door as I pushed her bedroom door closed. I made my way over and knocked once on the door and could tell she was crying by the way she spoke saying she would be out in a minute. I took the chance and tried the handle and thankfully it turned letting it open and as I opened it fully I saw her standing bracing her hands either side of the sink as she sobbed, the way she looked up at me as I closed the door was one of absolute utter devastation, she moved quicker than I thought she could as she flung herself at me and sobbed against my chest and I wrapped my arms around her.

After a few minutes she calmed and suddenly stepped back and looked at me as her face flushed. ‘Shit Happy I’m sorry I didn’t mean to cry all over you. I know you coming here was for Alex and the last thing you need is me crying and sobbing on you’ she said as she tried to make her way past me to the door but I didn’t move to let her, instead I put both my hands under her arms and lifted her as I stepped forward so I could sit her on the counter and look directly at her when I spoke. ‘Lucy I didn’t just come here for Alex, I came for you as well.’ She looked at me with a puzzled look on her face before speaking. ‘But Hap we barely tolerate each other, I mean for fuck sake we hated each other for years.’

‘I never hated you Lucy and I don’t think you hated me either, I mean yeah we used to rub each other the wrong way but that was years ago. We seem to be getting on a lot better now.’ I said and for some reason what I said made her burst into tears again. I had no fucking idea why but simply pulled her back into my arms.

She never lifted her head off my chest when she started talking again. ‘I have no idea how I am meant to do this all alone, he was the one person I could always count on.’ I wasn’t even sure she was talking to me and not herself as she clung to my kutte as she talked. ‘I don’t know how Boston is meant to feel like home without him here. What the hell am I going to do without him?’

I lifted her chin to get her to look at me before I spoke. ‘Listen here Lucy you are not alone whether you live here or the fucking moon, we are all here for you and all you have to do is call, one of us will be here and before you say anything I don’t mean that I will be here just for Alex. Christ I will be there whenever you need me all you have to do is ask ok?’ I said and never looked away from her. I saw emotions pass quickly through her eyes as she looked back at me before nodding her head and muttering. ‘Thanks Hap’ but she never made to move and neither did I so we simply stayed there me standing between her legs and her sitting on the counter looking at me.

Under the threat of torture I couldn’t tell you who made the first move but suddenly my lips crashed against hers as I pushed my hands into her thick hair and angled her head so I could deepen the kiss, but before I could she pushed her tongue into my mouth as her hands pulled me closer and her legs wrapped around the back of my thighs. One of my hands moved down to her ass so I could pull her closer to the edge of the counter so she was flush against me and I couldn’t stop my hips from moving against hers as I left her lips and started to kiss down her neck making her moan into my ear as I bit down gently and she started to move her hips against my growing hard on in my jeans. Just as I was about to move my hand from her ass to in between her legs her head shot up as she pushed me away. ‘Fuck Hap, we can’t do this. It’s my best friend’s wake and totally disrespectful plus we barely tolerate each other. Fuck I’m sorry Hap, I really shouldn’t have done that’ she rushed out as she sprung from the counter while pulling her dress down, before practically running out of the bathroom leaving me there wondering what the fuck we had just done. I closed that bathroom door and stood where I had found her a few minutes ago bracing my hands on the sink as I hung my head trying to calm myself down and pray my hard on would go away, but what didn’t help was the thoughts that came rushing back to my head about the night all those years ago that resulted in her being pregnant and leaving Charming.

Flashback

It had been a long twelve hour ride and all I wanted when I pulled into Charming was a shower, a beer then a blow job in that order. It was the usual Friday party and after I said hello to everyone I made my way to the dorm that Clay had said was mine for said shower whilst I was downing my first beer. When I walked back into the main part of the clubhouse I couldn’t stop the scowl when I saw her at the bar, as much as I denied it she really was fucking beautiful but every time she opened her mouth I was never sure whether I wanted to kiss her or kill her. She stood next to her dad in a pair of denim short shorts and a white tank that showed off her beautiful body. I made my way to the bar to grab another beer and a shot of something when she turned and looked at me with an equal glare. After I got my drinks I sat down next Tig and hoped she wouldn’t say anything to me but of course she just had to open her fucking mouth. ‘So still a dick Happy’ she said looking around Tig and grinned at me as Tig groaned.

‘Still a spoiled bitch’ I said as I took my shot and she laughed at me as she turned the other way and started talking to Koz. I hated that she just laughed at me but was also in awe that she had never been afraid to stand up to me, I knew I could scare people with just a look but not her. She was fucking fearless and it always made me hard.

I saw out of the corner of my eye about an hour later that some skank knocked into Koz on purpose making him spill his drink all over her and when she turned glaring her tank was completely see through and I could see by the bumps next to her nipples that were showing through her shirt that she had both of them pierced. Before I could think about it I grabbed the bottle of whisky off the bar and walked back to my room, knowing that if I looked at her anymore I was going to do something that would make Tig kill me. What I wasn’t expecting just as I sat on my bed was the door to open again and in she walked, she obviously didn’t know that this room was mine as she didn’t even look up as she pulled the tank over her head. I was on my feet before she had pulled it off and was in front of her when she did but just as she muttered fuck I slammed the door closed and had her pinned against it as I kissed her. She didn’t respond for a few seconds then suddenly she was kissing me back as my hands made they way to her soaked bra and I twisted both her nipples and tugged on the barbells and she let out the sexiest moan I had ever heard and she pulled me closer by my kutte before pushing it off my shoulders and I threw it on the chair. Before I could explore more I felt her hands suddenly under my t-shirt as she twisted so it was me up against the door and as I looked at her she winked at me and then dropped to her knees. Before I could say anything she had my jeans and boxers around my knees and licked me from base to head before taking me deep into her throat without warning, causing my head to slam back against the door as my hand fisted in her hair. When I looked down she was looking up straight into my eyes with those fucking beautiful lips stretched around my cock, she sped up and I couldn’t help but fist my other hand in her hair and move her quicker, she moaned around my cock making my balls draw up quicker than I intended and when she gently used her teeth on the downward stroke I shot down her throat and I used her hair to keep her in place as I did. Within seconds of pulling out of her mouth I had picked her up and all but threw her down on the bed and ripped those fucking shorts off as well as her soaked panties and dropped to my knees at the end of the bed and dragged her down so her knees were over my shoulders. I nearly came again as I saw that she had her clit pierced too and when I looked up at her she simply smirked at me as she started playing with her nipples. That did it and I buried my face in her pussy sucking on that little ring through her clit and had to hold her hips down with both hands as she nearly came off the bed. I licked from her opening back to her clit and she tasted fucking amazing. It was rare that I ever got to do this, as much as I loved it, what with the quality of croweater that hung around I usually either got a blow job or took them from behind, course all I was interested was getting myself off never them but with her I could do this for hours. With one had still holding her hip I used the other to push two fingers inside of her as I sucked harder on her clit, when I felt her tighten around my fingers I knew she was gonna explode but what had me nearly coming against the side of the bed was when I felt a gush of liquid against my chin, as I pulled back and looked she was squirting over my hand and making the best fucking noises I had ever heard. Without giving her time to come down I was up on my knees and thrusting into her as I unhooked her bra and latched onto one of her nipples as she dragged her nails down my back causing me to thrust harder. I moved to her neck and bit down and I felt her tighten around me again as she came for the second time. I pulled out and told her to get on her knees which she did but moved up the bed and grabbed the head board. I followed her after I had kicked my boots and jeans off and ripped my t-shirt over my head and plunged back inside her as I grabbed both her hips. I knew I was leaving bruises on her but the more I squeezed her hips the more she moaned so I moved one hand down and smacked her right ass cheek hard and she bucked back against me so hard I nearly slipped out of her. I could tell she was getting close again as she white knuckled the head board and moved her hips at the same brutal pace I was setting, I wanted to feel her squirt again but this time on my cock. I moved forward and pulled her up so her back was against my chest and gripped her throat in one hand as my other went to her clit and twisted the ring as I tightened my hand that was still around her throat when I felt her tighten to the point I could barely move my cock inside of her and I felt her come as well as feel her squirt again all over my hand, balls and thighs which caused me to come as I bit down onto the side of her neck. We both collapsed on the bed panting and as I reached for my smokes she went to sit up but I pulled her back down and told her I wasn’t finished with her yet as I lit my smoke, she turned and smirked at me before taking it out of my mouth and taking a deep drag and handed to back to me, as I smoked it she reached over and grabbed the bottle of whisky which was next to me and it put those big tits right in my face and I couldn’t resist biting her right nipple and flicking my tongue again the barbell. I felt her hips flex into my side, I put my cigarette out without taking her nipple out of my mouth and when both my hands where free I grabbed her hips and dragged her on top of me. She started grinding on me and as I felt myself get hard again and she raised her hips and slammed down on me causing me to release her nipple as she started riding me hard and fast. My hands grabbed her ass to help her move the way I liked it. After a few minutes I grabbed her arms and pulled them behind her back causing her to bend over me and I kissed her again as I put my feet flat on the bed so I could thrust into her harder and faster. She came again and feeling her coming so strongly on my cock had me shooting into her again as I still held her arms behind her. When I released her she slumped onto my chest and we were both breathing fast, normally I would kick the girl out straight after but the way her hair was in my face made me inhale her scent and I couldn’t have stopped my arms from coming around her if I had wanted to. A few hours later I woke up and she had moved but was still snuggled up to my side and I simply closed my eyes and for once enjoyed the feeling of having a woman in my bed for the night. When I woke up again a few hours later I was alone and as much as I would have loved another round with her I knew it was best that I was alone as my brothers would kill me if they ever found out what we had just done so I rolled over and went back to sleep with the smell of her still on my sheets.

I was brought out of my memory by Koz knocking on the bathroom door telling me Kelly and AJ were leaving and that AJ wanted to say bye to me. I shouted I would be couple of minutes and thankfully hearing his voice had made my hard on vanish so I splashed some water on my face and after drying it made my way downstairs. After they had left Lucy asked Alex to come upstairs and help pack his bag ready for leaving tomorrow, Gemma was busy in the kitchen and Tig had passed out on the sofa so I grabbed a beer and went outside to smoke and wasn’t surprised when Koz joined me on the bench sitting opposite me with a smirk on his face. I ignored him and slowly finished my beer but before I could get up to grab another one he started speaking. ‘Wanna tell me what happened earlier Hap?’ He asked but when I didn’t say anything just kept looking at him with a blank expression he got serious. ‘Hap I am only saying this cause I love you both alright’ he waited for me to speak but all I did was nod knowing he was going to speak whether I wanted to hear it or not. ‘Please be careful with her, especially now when she is vulnerable. I know you have never wanted an old lady so you better be damn sure you want one now if this is what I think it is. She doesn’t deserve to be messed around neither does Alex and before you say anything I know you love that kid. Everyone who sees you together can see just how deep that bond goes already, all I’m saying is just think about it, make sure that if you feel something for Luce it isn’t just a by-product of her giving you an amazing kid and its actually for her as a person.’ Before I could even think about whether I was even going to reply he was up and off towards the house after patting me on the shoulder.

I sat out there for another hour thinking about what Koz had said and I was still non the fucking wiser to how I actually felt which just pissed me off more. I mean I knew all those years ago that as much as she bugged the ever loving shit outta me I was attracted to her but he was right I had never even thought about having an old lady then or now. I was always the type to be alone and found it easier that way but Christ she made me think I had been wrong all these years and that if I had handled the news differently all those years ago would things have been different? Would I have had Alex in my life from the minute he was born? Before I could think about it any longer I heard my private cell going off in my pocket and knew ma was calling me.

‘Hey ma’ I answered.

‘Happy, how are things in Boston?’ She asked knowing that the funeral had been today.

‘Ok I guess. Alex handled it really well. He is coming back to Charming with me tomorrow for the rest of the summer.’

‘Oh, is Lucy ok with that?’She asked and I could hear the worry in her tone.

‘Well she agreed with it and thinks it is best for Alex.’

‘I’m sure she does but is it best for her I wonder.’

‘I have no clue at this point ma, Koz offered to stay a few days and help her pack up Matt’s house but she said no that she needed to do it herself.’

‘Of course she did. What’s going on with you Hap I can hear in your voice something is bothering you.’

‘Not really the time and place to talk about it ma.’

‘Oh that’s sounds interesting. I am going to ask your aunt to drop me off on Wednesday and I can spend a few days down there with you both if that’s ok that is?’ she asked. I had called her the day after I got to Boston and told her about what had happened with Matt.

‘Yeah ma that’s fine, I was gonna bring  him up to see you on the weekend anyway.’ I said as I heard the door open and Alex came out and started walking towards me.

‘That way you can tell me what is really going on with you when he is asleep cause I know you need to talk things through with me’ she said and I really had no clue how she just always knew when it came to me but Christ the woman really did.

‘Ok ma thanks, I will see you in a few days.’

‘Bye Hap, I love you’ she said just like she always did.

‘You too ma’ I said hanging up the phone and putting it back in my pocket just as Alex sat down at the table and handed me the beer he was carrying saying ‘uncle Koz thought you might need this.’ Christ between my ma and Koz it was a toss up which one knew me best it seemed.

Lucy

Christ how the hell did I go from sobbing on the fucking man to nearly having sex with him on my bathroom counter I don’t know, but Christ the way he made me feel with just a simple kiss was unbelievable. Today was not the day to think about that though. I meant what I said to him that it was disrespectful to do this today of all days. I felt like such a bitch for not only kissing him when he was trying to comfort me but for running out of the bathroom the way I did. I acted like I was a teenager not a thirty year old woman with a kid. I made my way downstairs and Koz smirked at me when I got to the bottom of the stairs, but didn’t say anything to me as Kelly walked towards me and told me she was taking AJ home. Koz walked up the stairs as I made my way into the kitchen to see Gemma had finished what I started before I went upstairs and was grateful to her. After saying bye to Kelly and AJ me and Alex went upstairs to pack his bag ready for tomorrow, I was pleased that he wouldn’t need much what with me leaving stuff for him at Happy’s. He sat on his bed and looked at me as I was pulling a small duffel out of his closet. ‘Mom?’ he asked when I still had my back to him.

‘Yeah sweetie’ I asked still pulling a few items out of his closet.

‘Are you going to be ok?’

‘What do you mean?’ I said turning to look at him and I made my way towards him when I saw he was close to tears.

‘With me going with dad and being here all alone’ he said as I sat on the bed and pulled him into a one armed hug.

‘Alex baby, I will be fine. I have to start sorting through uncle Matt’s stuff and I know it isn’t something you need to see so you going back a few weeks early with your dad is the best option. I will call you every night and in a few weeks when everything is sorted I will come and spend sometime out there with you ok? Please don’t worry. I know this is the first time you have dealt with something like this but your ten baby. You need to let us worry about everything, you just need to work through all the sadness you are feeling and trust me that it really is best that you do that away from here and your dad is really excited to spend more time with you.’ I said and kissed his head as he got up and told me he was going to talk with his dad as I got up and finished packing his stuff.

Once I was back downstairs the sofa was empty and I couldn’t resist lying on it now that I was in my sweats and without even realising it I was out. When I woke up the room was barely light but I was covered in a blanket and when I looked at the clock I realised I had slept for eight solid hours. Knowing that I had a lot to do today I got up and decided to see what I could make everyone for breakfast before they all left for the airport in a few hours.


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