Radiant (Vol I) - Chapter twenty seven

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Chapter 27
It only lasted for a second, but the feel of his lips against mine, had me gasping for more.

He pulled away, almost immediately and closed his eyes for a split second. "I'm so sorry. That shouldn't have happened."

But it did happen. We both liked it. No matter how short it was. I understood him, but I was getting tired of this. "I should go."

His amber eyes only watched me concernedly. "Tamar, I—"


"I'm sick of this. You confuse the hell out of me and it drives me crazy. Worst of all, you're stirring feelings in me that I don't need. I'll stay the hell away if that's what you want."

His head slung slightly low. He didn't have the heart to look at me and his words tore right through me. "You should go."

The walls of my heart felt like crashing and this was all new to me. Heartbreak. I sent him a weary look and did what he asked me to do. I left. I was the one expecting something from my district leader when I was only his trainee. He didn't want to cross the threshold. He wanted to keep things platonic. I could do that. No problem.

.......
Today's sparring lesson had been to be the most awkward class in history. With Levi frequently avoiding my gaze and me, doing every move with intense furiousity. Everything was just too weird for words to possibly describe. Just because I was mad at him, didn't mean I would forgo my training lessons, so I tried to make it as natural as possible.

My tightened fist almost hit the bridge of his nose and he hastily reeled back. I whirled forward and slammed my arms towards his ribs. This time, it caught him off guard and had him falling to the ground.

My eyes widened. "Oh God, are you okay?"

He dragged himself up and winced slightly. "I'm fine. Don't worry about me."

I groaned loudly. "This has to stop."


His amber orange eyes turned stony. "What are you talking about?"

"This awkwardness. I can't deal with it. You only want things to be professional between us? Fine. I'm not pissed anymore. But I won't let that affect my training. There was no way I would have hit you, if you concentrated. I need you to be in your top gear. Can you do that? Can you not get distracted?"

His face searched mine for a second. The demure look on my face must have told him what he needed to know and he nodded. "You're right. No more distractions. That was the point from the scratch."

"You think I'm a distraction?"


"It's hard for you not to be. But this Clandestine is my priority. I can't change that now. It needs me."


I didn't bother to let myself understand his logic. I was done trying to. "Fine. Say whatever you want to make yourself feel better."

"I'm sorr—"

"An apology isn't going to change anything. Let's just get this over with. It wasn't like we were anything to begin with."

His resigned sigh had me pursing my lips. He ran his hands through his hair and gave yet another sigh. He curled his hands into a fist and gave a stance to show he was ready. "Let's get started."

....
My chest heaved with emotion and I let myself stare distractedly at the sealed window in my small trout coloured room I shared with Laurena. Today was April the twenty fourth. My mom's birthday. If I were back at home, my dad would have had us singing her a birthday song in the morning and I would have prepared her favorite birthday dish. Pancakes and orange juice. She always loved that. But that was all the past. I'm miles away from them, with no chance of possibly seeing any one of them anytime soon and it made me feel alone.

My life here was pretty great. I had friends. Real friends, for once. Not people who pitied me or hung out with me out of sympathy. People who actually saw me as an asset and I've been waiting my whole life for a moment like this, but it didn't change the fact that I wanted to see my family again. I let myself have a flicker of hope that the opportunity would present itself.

Sighing to myself, I muttered. "Happy birthday, mom." and laid myself back on the bed. I stared at the white ceiling and counted to five. It always helped to calm my nerves and it actually really worked at this moment.

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