four, i almost do

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sequel to 'the good girl': 'the heartbreaker' — chapter four

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sequel to 'the good girl': 'the heartbreaker' — chapter four

"oh, we made quite a mess, babe. it's probably better off this way. and i confess babe, in my dreams you're touching my face and asking me if i wanna try again with you. and i almost do."

i stirred my cup of tea that paige had made for me, absentmindedly. i was happy to be home. not so happy that i had let finn get to me on my first night back. but i was still glad to see paige, and i was thinking of dropping in to see sadie properly maybe later or tomorrow. maybe i could introduce her to asher. i think she would like him. after all, who couldn't.

asher was the type of person that a lot of people would find hard to dislike, no matter how much they had wanted to, trust me, i know firsthand. it was almost impossible to not smile when he did. the dimples in his cheeks and the crease by his eyes just made it so out of the question. it was one of the reasons that i liked asher.

he was always kind and nice and warm. so different from finn. but sometimes he infuriated me. because it was practically unachievable to argue with asher. he just always agreed with you, like he was constantly treading lightly and i hate it. i know he's only looking out for me and that he doesn't want to lose me, but sometimes he treats me like im still that niave and ingenuous fifteen year old girl i was when i met finn. but im not.

im eighteen now and im turning nineteen in a little under two months. i know what im doing and i can make decisions for myself now. i won't ever be ridiculed the way i was with finn i won't ever let anyone treat me the way he did.

if they say pain makes you feel alive, then i have never felt more punishingly alive and at the spiralling edge of death at the same exact time than i have when i am around him. there are scarce words to describe the exhaustion that over comes me by the timid glance of his godforsaken smile, let alone being in his presence. it is not sleepiness. it's not weary or tiredness and it is not the feeling of being spent of exertion and it is not being stressed or strained from a long intoxicant day.

i think it's more a sickness of exhaustion. similar to a illness or a chronic disease. it's not something you just hold on to, it's buried deep inside and you can feel it in your bones and you can feel it decrypting your immune system. and the pain of it is so excruciating that it makes you feel so alive. that's how he made me feel. it is a life sentence and it does nothing to describe what we truly experience daily.

you can't do that. not to anyone. you can't just come into someone's life, make them care about you, feel for you, and then abandon them a few months later. that kind of suffering leaves marks on the soul. and it also leaves two questions, one that may never get answered as time goes on.
does he still love me? do i still love him?
my phone suddenly chimed, distracting me from my thoughts.

my lil lills
hey bub, we're outside!

i grinned gleefully now. it may have only been 24 hours but that did not disguise the fact that i had already been missing lilia. she was my lifeline. i put the coffee stirrer down before running to the door as quickly as humanly possible.

as soon as i opened the door I ran into her arms, hugging her tight. "i missed you bubba, even if it was only one night." she whispered. "me too." i said holding her closely.

"ehem." i heard and looked up to see asher smiling cheekily. "don't worry, i see how it is." he says with a grin and i almost forget that anything other than him exists because he is all i see in the moment.

i let go of lilia, walking up to him slowly and as i reach him his hands reach for my waist pulling me closer. "hey butterfly." he whispers just to me. "hey you." i smile, before leaning in to peck his cheek. "i missed you too. it's been a rough day already." i snickered. it really has. "yea, i bet." he smiles and kisses my cheek again, whispering in my ear "you want to talk about it?"

that is another thing that i like about asher. i can tell him absolutely everything, and i know he will understand. he's perfect like that. "yes please."

he looks up to paige who is now standing at the door frame. "hey, im paige." she says stepping out towards asher. "it's nice to meet you, millie has told me lots about you!" she grinned leaning in to hug him. he hugs her back "all good things i hope." he jokes.

"mostly." she winks as she lets go of the hug. "you don't mind if i steal your car, do you? i just want to take millie for a late lunch if that's okay?" he asks.

"yep that's perfectly fine." she agrees before walking back inside.

asher walks round and opens the car door for me and i hop in the passenger seat gleefully.
he hops into the drivers seat, with a smile. "let's find somewhere nice to eat then why don't we?" he smiles.

"what? what! im being serious!" i giggled.

but he continued to laugh. and not one of those faux laughs, a real genuine laugh. they type where you wheeze and you're smiling so much that it makes your cheeks ache, the ones where you start coughing furiously at the end of.

"stop laughing at me asher im serious!" but the weight of my words were obviously light as I laughed harder. "no but seriously listen! i just don't understand this logic. if your diet soda has zero calories, zero sugar and zero fat... then what the heck are you drinking. it's like practically water so why drink it, just drink water instead."

"millie you kill me, honestly." he says, his laughter dying down just a little.

"but im right! admit it!" i giggled, placing my cold hand over his warm one that was perched on my leg.

we had finished our lunch. we ate a cute little diner and i had a phenomenal chicken cesar salad. it was nice catching up with asher. it was nice being able to tell him everything. like my personal councillor that's on call all twenty for hours of the day. it's fun!


ugh this chapter literally has filler vibes written all over it 😳

plus can you tell i got tired at the end?

finn is defo in the next chap dw! and im sorry this is so short it's only like a thousand & a bit words which is like less than half of what i usually do :((

anyways ily all thanks for half a thousand views already! ❤️ - t xo

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