Lucid

On drowning

Water. Freezing, stinging, ice-cold water. How did this happen? Life never ceases to surprise me.. life.. how ironic. Life, that never gave up on pressing on my shoulders, dragging me down by the feet. Life that never showed mercy and pulled me by my hair and threatened and screamed at me. But also, life, that always showed me a light in the darkness.. the face of my baby brother laughing, my grandmothers hand reaching towards me.

Everything ive ever been through, led me to this day. And here i am, once again, being pulled down. Water, impatiently invading my nose, taking over me like a freezing virus. Water, calmly waiting to burst into my mouth; every second: a menacing "tick-tock" away from the big bang.

I never thought id die this way. I always pictured it in my warm cozy bed with my loved ones around. Where are my loved ones now? Mum? Dad? Ross? Anyone?? No... ofcourse not.. that shit only happens in movies. Truth is, im all alone. Im all fucking alone and im drowning...Im fucking drowning! If only i saw a face! If only i saw anything! If only someone would see me! Notice me! Oh my God! I dont want to die! I dont want to die! All of a sudden i find myself kicking and twitching, as if electricity is running through my vains. I dont want to die! Those words flood my brain as my mouth opens in despair. Why?... Why me? Why now?..

Id never imagine that drowning would hurt this much. This claustrophobic pain shrinking me, making my lungs feel like stone. I cannot fight this any longer. Ive always been doing my best, but now i just cannot. I wish i could. But all my energy has now dissolved, along with all the bubbles of my own strength and oxygen around me.

I look up. Water. How peculiarly it twists around the sky above me , making it seem like a loophole into another dimension. For the first time, im on the other side. I never knew what was under the water. The deep blue sea always seemed to be an alien world, and now i am drowning in its universe. Cold and all alone. How pointless it all seems to me now. Funny how with a simple blink of an eye, im already dying. Such a tiny speck of time spent in a tiny speck of a body. What for? My mind turns into a blank page but then, almost instantaneously fills with images of my family... Love.

An unexpected warmth spreads all over my body. How things change... Water. I can see now! Blue and beautiful! I smile..
I am ready.