miss o'chav was drunk last night. Terrible.
It's the day after me and Brad slept together. We're out a walk, we've not spoken about it and it's the only thing crossing my mind.
I want to speak about it.
I need to speak about it.
We're just walking through Hyde park with some coffee that we got when we met up.
He's just talking about random shit, but I'm not exactly paying attention. I just want his hands on me again, his lips on mine.
Or simply, just to hear the words, so last night.
I don't want it to be a repeat of when we first fucked, how we forgot it happened, and how I wished that I had the courage to say something.
Maybe now, I just need to pluck up that courage and say something.
Fucking grow up Brad.
Fucking ask her about last night.
I'm saying random shit just to make it seem as if last night isn't racing through my mind.
Fuck it felt good, I just wish I had the courage to ask her about it, just to ask her on a proper date where I can fucking ask the proper question that I want to ask. Will you be my fucking girlfriend?
She's my best friend, I tell her everything that happens in my life, every detail, I know her better than I know myself.
How she gets scared when her heart races, just in case something goes wrong like it did when she was younger, how she terrified people will leave her after her mum did, how she smiles when I compliment her and looks away blushing.
Even Tristan can't make her fuckin blush.
I trust her so easily, because it's just so effortless, it's like second nature.
Then I do it, after a spilt moment of silence, I do it.
"I think" I begin "we should talk about last night" I continue and she smiles, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear
"pointing out the elephant in the room" she says and I chuckle, not even meaningful, it's just natural, she just makes me, so fucking happy.
"Well" I begin "I certainly enjoyed myself again" I say,
"I did too" she says nodding and smiling again,
"we should do it again sometime" I say, fuck "no" I say "I never meant it like" I continue, I've fucked it.
"...we should do it again sometime" Brad says, seriously, is he only down for friends with benefits here? "No" he says, I didn't say anything out loud, I'm sure of it "I never meant it like that" he says, closing his eyes,
"I know" I say
"I just think we shouldn't be afraid to try things" he says "I think it's pretty obvious that I li-" he gets cut off by a screaming fan, shouting Brad and coming towards us.
He stops and takes a few photos with her before she walks away with her friend, "sorry" he mutters, I'm guessing whatever he was saying has left his head.
"As I was saying" he says, I'm taken a back, he actually remembers what he was saying.
"I just think we should just get to know each other some more" he says.
Are you having a giggle?
Why the fuck did I say that? Honestly. I just want to tell her how I feel, tell her that's she's constantly on my mind, that the fans posting stuff about us being a couple fills my heart with happiness because ideally that's all I fucking want.
"You know" I begin again "I didn't mean that" I say "I meant to say I fucking like you" I say and she smiles, a bigger smile than usual and her face is going red again
"fuck I want to punch you" she says and I laugh
"why?" I ask
"because I also want to fuck you, all the time, and that kills me, because I didn't think the feeling was mutual" she says.