Peter Griffin's: Pointless Children's Stories

Pointless Squirrel Story

A/N: Hola guys! Well for those of you who've seen the show "Family Guy" you'd know that Peter has written kids books and short cartoon movies. He's done some hilarious and pointless things that are a mixture of an adult story, written like a kid, specifically for kids. For those who don't know Peter Griffin then I invite you to read this goofy story I wrote (as peter) and then check out family guy and see some of this hilarious crap he does. Enjoy!

There once was a little Squirrel named Bo Ring

Bo loved to climb trees, he loved to stare at the ground and find awesome pictures of rockets, popcorn balls, and giant hookers with no legs.  And more than anything, bo loved to listen to what his father called, "amazingly awesome stories".

One day while Bo was running around collecting pieces of bark and shoving them in his butt to take back home, he stumbled upon his father walking through the grass all bruised up.

"Hey there Squirrel Father! What ya doin?"
 Bo said.

Squirrel father all woozy and beaten up says,

"Oh hey squirrel son. I just totally saw some human boobs while I was out searching for corn and other things that makes your poop hurt."

"Ahh Sweet!" Bo exclaimed

"What happened? Did you like touch them too?"

"Totally" said Squirrel father

"What happened?" asked Bo

Squirrel father slowly began to tell Bo the story of what he called,  "The Amazing Boob Touch, Corn Awesomeness Adventure"

According to Squirrel Father, one day he was out roaming the park, looking for food that's hard to digest. When he came upon a picnic table full of goodies. There was fried chicken, corn on the Cobb, coleslaw, A giant hunk of cheese, a bowl full of boiled eggs, salad, and for some reason a cake with a picture of a man in black leather spanking a naked Justin Bieber (?).

Anyways, Squirrel father came upon this totally awesome food buffet and went nuts. He jumped on the table and grabed like a handful of stuff and started shoving it in his mouth. One by one eating a piece of chicken, some coleslaw, the giant cheese, an egg, but not the salad, because "salad is for poor people". Squirrel father ate almost everything except the corn, which he was saving for last. 

While he stuffed his tiny mouth up with food; a tall, big boobed, human lady came over and was like,

"Hey squirrel! You're eating all our food. That's totally not cool"

To which Squirrel father replied, "But i'm a freaking squirrel, I don't know any better big boobs"

Then the human lady was all like, "Oh I don't like you. I'm going to swat you while i bend over and expose my cleavage in this low cut top that i'm wearing in 50 degree weather"

Then the big boobed lady bent over and started swiping at Squirrel father. Squirrel father acted quickly and totally jumped into the big boobed lady's cleavage. As Squirrel father began burrowing between those big jugs, the big boobed lady began screaming and totally started smacking her boobs trying to get squirrel father out.

Squirrel father crawled deeper and deeper in the tight shirt while exclaiming, "awesome!" at the top of his lungs. As the big boobed lady began to struggle, squirrel Father found his way to the bottom of the shirt and quickly squeezed out on the ground. The big boobed lady all scared and big boobed, ran away screaming. Squirrel Father looked up from the ground as she ran away and said, "sweet". He turned toward the picnic table and was like, "I need to eat this corn before that big boobed lady brings back more people".

So squirrel father climbed up on that old wooden table, jumped up onto the to top and looked gazingly at the giant piece of corn. He slowly began to walk towards the corn with a look of memorization.

As Squirrel father came upon the corn and panned up and down on the corn, his eyes began to widen. He lifted his tiny squirrel nose in the air and wafted in the sweet corn smell. He then closed his eyes, opened his mouth wide and began to slowly lean in for a big bite. Then all of a sudden, A giant boiled egg landed on Squirrel fathers head and knocked him out. And that's the end.

Bo looked at Squirrel Father for a moment with his jaw wide. He stood there staring at squirrel father for a long time, unable to speak. Squirrel father looked at Bo then up and down, then left and right. Trying not to let the awkward silence creep him out. Til finally bo shut his wide little mouth, and simply said five words.

"So, then you got laid?"

Squirrel father looked at Bo and laughed as he replied, "Oh Squirrel son. Your nuts!"

THE END