Guardian Angels ✔

68 - Conspiracies

A few days had passed since her visit to Gemma. It had given her some peace of mind. What to do with Juice, was however still an unanswered question. She was just tired of the constant fights. But she missed him, it was impossible to deny. Her eyes never left him alone when he was around and she felt lonely at night. They avoided each other as much as possible, which seemed to be best solution. 

Sure, there were many moments she considered to just kiss him in the middle of the clubhouse, so their feelings were no longer a secret and he would want to move on with her. There was however always something holding her back. Especially now those Nomads were hanging out in the clubhouse, she didn't want to be known as Juice's little bitch. Maybe she would do it later, when she had proven herself to those new guys like she had proven herself to the others. As soon as they wouldn't consider her as a pussy anymore, she might give in. 

Although deep down, she knew she would come up with another excuse. 

Maybe it just felt wrong to choose Juice over her little brother – to increase the chance on discovery only so she could get laid again. She was stronger than those instincts. She could ignore them. 

The doubts however returned when they were both sent to Gemma's house to pack Clay's stuff. He was released from the hospital today and Gemma didn't want him to come home. Except for them, only Chucky was around, so they were dependent on each other. 

He wasn't unfriendly. Although they weren't joking around like they would have done in the past, he wasn't insensitive either and he sometimes helped her to get things done without making spiteful remarks. He acted normal – undoubtedly because Clay and Chucky were around. 

Alex wished he was hostile. His calm voice and small smiles called up the longing for him. She didn't rule out that he was behaving like this on purpose, just to trigger a reaction, but the few times she looked into his eyes she saw nothing but sincerity. 

It hurt. Made her doubt. 

Maybe he acted like this because he was over her. Because he had finally realized that having a girl like her was a nightmare. 

Even when they were alone, his demeanor didn't change. Alex kept sitting with her back towards him as she cleaned out a closet and put the stuff in a box. She however noticed that she was wishing that he would show up behind her; that he would wrap his arms around her and tell her that he had forgiven her. 

He however kept his distance, an although he wasn't ignoring her, he neither made a pass at her. 

"Would you ever want me back?" The question slipped her lips and she cast her glance down. 

She heard him putting a box on the ground and reluctantly she turned around. 

"Depends. You're gonna change anything about your behavior?"

"I'm not going to change for you."

Sighing, he lifted the box. "Then I don't want you back."

Alex rubbed her face when he walked away. She didn't even know where that answer had came from. Something inside her had just protested strongly when he pointed out that she needed to change for him, even though she didn't even know what changes he wanted to see. Was it only about revealing her feelings to the others? Or were there other characteristics he couldn't deal with? She wasn't some lump of clay he could mold to his liking. 

In silence Alex carried out her task. She was relieved when everything was packed and wanted to go home, but Clay motioned her to come closer. 

"I wanna share a few words with you."