FIFTEEN

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            —"NO NO NO, this can not fucking be happening right now," astra' hand slapped her forehead as she turned over in a bed she failed to recognise

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            —"NO NO NO, this can not fucking be happening right now," astra' hand slapped her forehead as she turned over in a bed she failed to recognise. she glanced at her phone, seeing it was still only 5AM and her head still felt heavy and somewhat still drunk.

she double blinked to see if it was her imagination tricking her — but nope, the figure next to her wasn't ella, it wasn't her boyfriend either — it was bradley fucking simpson.

brad's eyes fluttered open — she couldn't help but internally admit how gorgeous he still was — and he looked confused for a second but smiled softly when he saw astra's panic, "we didn't have sex, astra."

"then why the fuck are you half naked laying next to me in... presumably your flat?"

brad shook his head, sitting up a little and biting his lip, "you were hammered and ella had left early with a guy — she had your keys so you stayed with us and we came back to my flat and you said you wanted a lay down, came to my room and fell asleep. i came in to check on you and tuck you in... but you asked me to stay with you so i did i guess. i'm not sure why, it was only because tris was asleep on the sofa so i had no other place to sleep really."

astra couldn't not acknowledge how her heart was beating a million times faster than usual as she lay in such close proximity with him, "why've you got to make my life so difficult and be such a gentleman?"

"what's that supposed to mean?" he reached up and tucked a piece of hair behind astra's ear that had been dangling in front of her eyes.

"you're all sweet and charming and fucking gorgeous. and we always had too good of a connection to have ended things how we did. now you're back in my life it's strange how you've made me feel and i don't know what to do about how bad i want to fucking kiss you right now." she exhaled deeply after speaking, biting her lip hard.

brad inhaled sharply in contrast, his breathing becoming heavier too, "i want to kiss you too, if it's any consolation. i just know that i can't, which makes it so much worse."

"i know you can't," astra's frown was deepening, "but i— fuck i don't know anymore."

"just be honest with me, astra. are you happy with diego? truly, genuinely happy?"

astra looked dumbfounded at the question for a second, finally coming to the realisation that maybe, just maybe, she wasn't.

"i think so. i mean, i thought so. because he used to make me feel like nothing could ever go wrong, like i was okay, you know? and contrary to what it seems like, he treats me like a fucking princess. but you. it's all because of you. you're all i can think about and it's driving me crazy, brad. it's driving me fucking batshit crazy."

brad lifted his hand to stroke astra's cheek for a second before flinching away, "astra i'm scared i'm going to fall in love with you all over again and just get hurt. if you're happy with diego i can't let us be this close. i just—"

brad was interrupted by a forceful kiss, astra's hands in his hair as she pulled his face close to hers to kiss him. god, she thought, she'd missed his lips.

she pulled away, noticing brad's reciprocation dwindle after a second — he knew it was wrong, no matter how bad he wanted to kiss her back — and she sighed sadly, "i'm sorry. fuck brad i'm sorry. i'd better go. i need to think, and i need to call diego. i'm gonna get my head straight because i don't want to do anything stupid but— i can't lie to myself and say i don't feel that spark again with you."

"it's 5 in the morning, ast. just go back to sleep, angel, and when you get up i'll pretend this never happened, i promise. just sleep, relax, and i'll be out of the room when you wake up so you can pretend we never had this conversation." brad pressed a kiss to astra's forehead and turned over to sleep again. he was shocked to feel astra's body shuffle closer to his, her arm curling round his and her head nudging him so she could lay on his chest.

"this is — uh — just because i won't be able to sleep properly alone given i'm in your bed not my own. thank you, brad. but for the record — i don't want to forget this conversation, i just want to resolve whatever my brain's dealing with. i love diego, but i cant pretend i don't still have that for you too. anyway, goodnight, babe."

brad's head was clouded with thoughts and confusion at the confessions astra — the literal girl of his dreams — had just made. he definitely was not going to get back to sleep that night.

"night, babe. sleep well."

———
ooft
(also that gif. i love u.)

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