Double life

CHAPTER 17

Chapter 17

It’s been months since my gang found out about me actually going to school. Since then I’ve been watching my back because a lot has happened.

As expected my gang interrogated me about the school ad after a few weeks, my walls broke and I told them where I went. That wasn’t really a good decision but if I wanted to maintain their trust I needed to confide them with at least something. I know Jake still doesn’t believe me and he still thinks I’m hiding something, it ruined our close friendship. He’s convinced I’m hiding something else and hooked on finding out what, I told him there was nothing else but he knows I’m lying. So for now he took his distance and he’s only at the garage because it’s also his job. He doesn’t come to my races or fights, he stopped being my best friend, he stopped being my brother.

In the beginning the gang tried to find me, but they failed. I bribed the secretary at our school and because she simply loves me she didn’t sell me out when they came to Northridge high. They searched the school and asked as many people about me before security threw them out. But because even if I have friends, people still don’t know and  don’t care who I am. I still keep myself low. So eventually  they gave up and didn’t find me. I know they lost a bit of their trust in me but I think I can live with that.  Actually, I can’t but I have to because the only other option is telling them everything and that would be one of the stupidest decisions ever.

Riley has been a real pain in the ass. He’s been picking fights not only with my gang but with all the best gangs in town and he’s kicking up his even more illegal business. I haven’t fought him since I won from him which he is dying to change. I know he’s training and he wants to be the strongest one but just because he lost that one fight, he thinks he’s not tough anymore. Which of course is partly true because he lost from me and I’m a girl but he won’t restore that pride with winning from everyone else. He needs to win from me. But that isn’t happening anytime soon.

Also for the past few months, Connor and I became much closer. I can almost say that he’s my best friend. I can tell him almost everything.

It all started with the fact that he wanted to spent a week with me, all the time. I really couldn’t get rid of him. He was at the garage, at parties, at school and at my fights and races. It seemed as if the only time he was not with me was when I was in the ladies room. One night he even stayed over … I couldn’t really forbid him because I promised a week with all of my time. So also at night. He literally clung to me all the time and the worst part is …

I didn’t even mind.

At some points I even liked his company. He was actually really fun to talk to. We talked about a lot of stuff but I stayed on the surface and I knew it bothered him. He wanted to know more about me, really get to know me but I couldn’t. I couldn’t tell him about him or them. That would be just too much.

One time he really tried to get my past out of me by playing some stupid truth or dare game but that ended up with me hitting him and him bleeding so after that, he didn’t try again to find out what happened to me.

But that night I discovered something about myself.

I am lonely. Really lonely.

I really wanted to tell him what happened and just bleed my heart out to him but I couldn’t. something was stopping me and I have no idea what. But I know 2 more problems.

1)      I need to get rid of my loneliness because it’s making me careless and sloppy, and … sad.

2)      I need to control my feelings and keep Connor at a distance from now on.