007; real life

171 17 51

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Elijah is angry. Beyond angry.

He's seeing red and is just about ready to kill and he's heading right to Awsten's door. He bangs on the door hard when he gets there, causing it to rattle on its hinges.

"Fucking open the fucking door," he yells, clearly lacking in any patience. He's ready to rip into Awsten. Awsten opens the door and Elijah doesn't even give him the chance to say anything before he's snapping. "You are un-fucking-believable! You fucking piece of shit! She trusted you, she fucking let you in and you leave her right after you fucking get in her pants? What the fuck is wrong with you? Jesus fucking Christ, Awsten! She trusted you! I trusted you! I told her you weren't one of those shit bags who would leave as soon as you got off! I told her she could trust you when she was scared of getting hurt again! I fucking told her and she believed me and believed in you and you fucking crushed her! And, y'know what? That's my fucking fault for ever believing in you. I won't make that fucking mistake again."

Awsten is quiet for a moment before he works up the nerve to respond, feeling like he deserves the pain of one of the people he cares about most in the world ripping into him. He feels like he deserves this and more because he hurt Thea, obviously he hurt her. If it was Emily he talked to the way he talked to Thea, she would have had him bleeding on the ground. But Thea didn't do that. She cried. She didn't hurt him with anything other than the sight of pain he caused. So, he decides he deserves this pain, and he hopes it's at least twice as bad as what he made her feel.

"Good," Awsten says, forcing himself to go cold so Elijah won't see how bad he's hurting. He doubts Elijah would really care right now if he did see but he doesn't want to take the risk. Emily was right, he tells himself silently, I deserve it this way. "Glad you know you made a mistake too."

"Fuck you," Elijah snaps with a glare, "whatever the fuck is wrong with you, get it fucking fixed before you even think of looking my way or Thea's again."

"Yeah, right," Awsten mumbles, the facade of coldness breaking for just a split second. What is wrong with me? he wonders to himself, am I even fixable anymore? "Guess I won't be seeing you around anytime soon."

"Guess fucking not," Elijah agrees, giving one last glare before storming off, still almost shaking with anger.

Awsten doesn't let himself breakdown until the elevator doors close behind Elijah. He doesn't bother to close his door, going back to his couch and curling up on it and letting out muffled little sobs. He feels like he can't move, just stuck in place in misery that he threw himself into.

He lets himself stay like that for a while before he knows he needs to head off to therapy. He's pretty sure he just lost a couple of the most important people in his life and, if he ever wants to get them back, he has to be certain he doesn't lose himself too.

So, he heads off to his first therapy session in a long time.

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Thea doesn't know what to do with herself. She can't make videos because making videos will make her think about Awsten more than she already is. She can't go online because all her social medias link back to Awsten in someway. She can't lay in her own bed because that's where she and Awsten were when the mistake, as Awsten called it, happened.

She can't go in her kitchen because all she sees is Awsten laughing as he cooks for her. She can't sit in her living room where she and Awsten cuddled on the couch and watched movies together.

He haunts every inch of her apartment and she hates it, she wishes she could hate him for it. The kitchen is the worst, all the late nights spent with quiet laughter and dim lights as they shared random late night snacks and got lost in each other. So, she avoids the kitchen at all costs which means she's really not eating enough.

She only really eats when she goes out, which isn't often, or when Elijah comes over and uses his key to get in. Thea is seriously considering taking the key back from him so he can't come in and interrupt her private misery.

It's easier to hurt alone, to not have to have Elijah there feeling guilty for telling her she could trust Awsten only to have him break her heart. When Elijah is around, she tries to fake being okay to ease his guilt.

Faking it is exhausting though.

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