Walking along the riverside, i decided to drown myself...in music. I brought my iPod with me just like i always do. It's 9 in the morning and here i am all alone. I plugged in my earphones and began listening to Ed Sheeran songs. Now playing: I'm a Mess. This is my favorite song right now. Title says it all. I did not attend our class today. I feel like wanting to isolate myself from my family or even my friends. I dont even know whats wrong with me. All of a sudden, i just felt myself avoiding unnecessary interactions with people i know.
I kept walking until i reached the area where bikes are being held for rental. I rented a bike, drove by myself as far as i can get. Faster and faster and faster and ....
*screech*
I was knocked off my bike. I got myself several scratches and the pain on my knee sucks. I looked up and see the last person i thought id see... Tristan Klein waiting for me to hold his hand and get up..
I hoist myself up, and thanked him for the gesture.
"Are you okay? Why do you have to ride that fast? Are you out of your mind?", he asked.
"Maybe i am.", i replied shortly.
"Oh well glad I'm not the only one in a mess.", he retorted.
I silently laughed at his remark. Tristan is my classmate in school and its been weeks since he has been absent. Nobody knows what happened to him. No one bothered. I asked him why he hasn't been attending class for a while. He helped me fix myself first and we parked our bike beside the benches. For a moment, he looked utterly confused. Maybe he's surprised by my curiosity all of a sudden.
"I was absent too just so you know. I decided i want to stay away from people for now."
And that made him open up to me. He said maybe he needs help. He recounted stories of how and why he curses his life. How his father almost hurt their sister one time when he got home. How his father was a drunkard every now and then. How his sister always get into an argument with him. How he hates going to school because he knew he always fails. How his first love suddenly migrated to another country. How his ex cheated on him with another guy. How he felt surrounded by people but wants to be alone. How he thinks maybe he's going through depression.
And then something clicked in me. I might be going through the same situation he's in. I didnt want to open up at first but then he asked about what's going on with my head, why i was also absent. I told him i actually don't know. I confessed that maybe i was going through depression too. You know what he did? He laughed sincerely since the first time ive seen him and gave me a high-five. He understood me.
"Hey I'm glad i bumped into you here. You know what, i like you in school. Oh scratch that, i think i like you."
He suddenly confessed. I was dumbfounded. Someone likes me? Thats nice. My cheeks suddenly felt warm. I felt butterflies in my stomach for a bit. I never imagined Tristan who was a silent, loner, introverted guy would like someone like me.
We talked for hours, returned our bikes, and sat by the benches. We poured our hearts out to each other. We suddenly felt connected. This was the first time i personally talked with someone straight for 5 hours. Damn. I think im falling for him so easily. He was so easy to talk to. He wasnt like this at school. Games, movies, books, philosophies, random questions, God, life, love, friends. We talked about almost everything.
It was already sunset when he suddenly popped a question i didn't expect. Can you be my girlfriend? I was shocked, i didn't know what to say. Of course, im starting to like him too. I keep imagining him as my boyfriend. We could be the happiest couple alive. We would go through walks by the riverside every afternoon. We would ride bikes and enjoy each other's company. We would help each other in school. We would meet everyday to talk about our problems. We would erase each other's loneliness. Hell maybe we would forget about depression.
But i realized, i think its way too soon. We only chatted for a day. But who wouldn't fall for someone you had fun with for a whole day? But still i turned him down. I didnt took a risk.
....
If i had known it was the way i could've helped you, i would have agreed. If i had known you were suffering severe depression more dangerous than mine. If i didnt just dismissed your questions about living life. If only i knew i could've changed someone's life.
Love is a gamble. Life is about taking risks. We wouldn't know the consequences of our actions unless we do it, or decide not to do it.
He could've been my love story. He could've come back to school with me. But i rejected him because i was afraid, not knowing how bad he couldve taken it. He knows that i felt the connection with him, but i did not take the risk with him... I turned him down and he just turned it into a laughing matter, me not knowing what he was really thinking. He made it look like he was fine. I believed that because he opened up to me he would be fine. We bid our goodbyes soon after. I was hoping he would appear at school the next day and he would greet me.
But that was the last i've heard of him.
