Bitter Sweet Love. Part 2, Chapter 17.

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Chapter 17

Return to Kira

I could not resist him, his aura drew me in how could I not make a move. My Birthday and he did not make a big deal. I knew he was not a highly affectionate person, yet he was a highly emotional in a negative way. I reached up for his hand that lay on the horses snout and gave it a gently squeeze and his hand lifted from the snout and hung to my side. I could see that hidden desire in his eyes and I hoped he would act on that animal instinct. He leaned down and kissed me hard and needy. I melted into him reaching for the depths of his skull driving my fingers through his hair that was growing too long for him. 

"We really should talk about this, OK?", he breathed as he pulled away from me his decisive eyes glaring at me from his height. The fluttering in my stomach made this encounter feel inappropriate on all levels but I wanted him to be the person to heal me. I am so selfish I know but sometimes you have to save yourself first. I needed saving, I am not a heroine, I am not strong and god knows I want to be all those things but unfortunately I am not. I nodded in reply to Johnny. How the mind could muster such deep thoughts over one simple kiss. He smiled down at me and never releasing my hand gave me a slight tug back in the direction of the house. "We can explore more tomorrow. It is too fucking hot out here for my liking", He muttered as the small beads of sweat emerged from his hairline. 

"Perfect", I said almost sarcastically. 

"Ha. Ha.", Johnny chimed back sarcastically, so I guess he had caught the sarcasm. "I miss Cameron", He sighed, taking me back a step.

"Me too Johnny, me too. Times like these I miss his kind heart and it hurts, so bad", I felt the tears welling in my eyes and my heart ache painfully. Our world was moving so fast lately between Cameron's death and our swift departure I hadn't had a minute to mourn him, nor had Johnny. It surprised me that Johnny had grown so close to Cam given his short friendship but I guess there is a lot I don't know and probably never will. The selfish girl in me cursed him for dying and leaving me with all this trouble. I loved Cameron like a Brother I know that now. Our love was not true romance in the end, nor the middle. We were in lustful love in the beginning of our relationship but as the lust fell away the love appeared deep and caring of course but lacked the singular spark one should have for a lover. That spark belonged to Johnny, I knew that for a long time. The butterflies that emerged from their cocoons when he smiled was much different to the deep care I felt for Cameron. I know Cameron felt the same way in the end, he felt the love but he knew my heart lay elsewhere and he seemed to be at peace with that from my view of the events. Who knows though, I have been known to be very selfish in the views and perceptions. 

"He was awesome", He smiled veering away from emotional. I wanted to have that control to remember him as a light that still shone not an extinguished flame. A romantic novelist would say that his light grew inside me, which I can not protest but the child that ws growing inside me was far from our child, biologically of course the child was ours but something in my bones told me this child was not to be mine in the end. "Hey how about we go somewhere for your Birthday at the weekend? We can't just go now that would be crazy.  We need to just settle in for a few days, I'm sorry we can't celebrate sooner"

"Of course, I wouldn't expect to celebrate at all never mind today. But an outing at the weekend sounds good!", I felt the positive vibes take me back into their comforting arms. I was not forgetting  Cameron but this was neither the place nor the person I wanted to cry my sorrowful tears to. The house came back into our view, although I did not see it as home yet it felt homely which made his transition a lot easier. I had not talked to Aude yet as I had been escorted to my room like a naughty child upon first arriving but I'm sure our time together would be plentiful. Johnny grip on my hand loosened as we came to the front door of the house.

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