Lakeview's Outcast {Wattys2015}

Chapter 20 - Emotions

I felt like I was in some sort of parallel universe. One where everything had turned upside down and where differentiating from what's right and wrong was a difficult task. Because yesterday I had almost made the stupidest decision of my life. I was ashamed to say that for a few seconds I was ready to jump into Brad's arms and accept his proposal. For a few seconds I was ready to become his girlfriend again- well to be honest the other girl. 

I can't believe that for a second there I had actually considered the bloody idea. I mean, what kind of girl does that make me? What does that say about my morals, my beliefs, my self-respect?

The stupid thing was I knew exactly why I did it, as much as I hated to admit it a big part of me missed him. Not just as a boyfriend but as a friend, we were always friends and I could always rely on Brad to bring a smile to my face. He had this laid back charm that I admired and he had the ability to turn the most tense situations into calmer, relaxing ones. When we started dating he was even sweeter, he was the type of boyfriend who held you close while you were sad, that picked a couple of flowers to brighten up your morning. I missed that, I missed the sweet Brad. The one who would text me good morning, walk with me along the beach, the one that would give me the sweetest kisses ever.

But everything good has to come to an end at some point and Brad and I have been over for nearly two years. I can't go back down that road again, Brad was a great boyfriend but I meant what I said yesterday. Getting back together wouldn't be a good idea, in fact it'd be a terrible one.

I groan as I bury my head deeper into my pillow, it was now somewhere around noon on a Saturday and I hadn't left my room since my arrival yesterday. Something which I regretted considering that my stomach was now growling with hunger. But I just couldn't bring myself to get up and walk downstairs to get something to eat so I was stuck here with the only food being candy- not exactly a healthy lunch. 

But it appeared that my friends and family had enough of my moping as there was a loud hammering of knocks against my bedroom door.

"Go away" I whine lifting the blanket over my head but the knocking doesn't stop and soon enough I can hear a key being placed in the lock, the spare key that only my parents had access to. I watch with weary eyes as Ethan, James, Juliette, Madeline and Ashton step into my room. Their presence only causing me to snuggle deeper into my blanket, covering my face as I did so. I can hear a collective sigh resound in the room and I scoff wondering why I was graced with their presence so early, on this fine morning.

"What happened?" it was scary how in tune they all seemed to be in. I don't think my brothers have even spoken to either of the girls before yet they already seemed to have formed an alliance against me. Bloody hell. 

"Can I at least look presentable before you start your interrogation?" I ask them, my voice muffled by my blanket as I hide my hideous bed hair. Once the boys have left, I offer Juliette and Madeline a sheepish smile before collecting a change of clothes and heading into my bathroom. Ten minutes later, I'm showered and dressed in a comfortable pair of  track pants and shirt. I guess now is as good a time as any to tell the girls what happened, I think I'd go insane if I kept it in any longer.

"Should I call the boys in or...?" Juliette asks from her spot on my bed, her eyes scanning the posters on my wall. I shake my head quickly and retrieve my stash of lollies from a shoe box in my cupboard before joining her and Madeline on the bed. Crossing my legs, I rip open a packet of gummy bears chewing on some thoughtfully as I turn to them.

"I haven't told you why I am an outcast in the Academy, have I Juliette?" I ask her, Juliette and Madeline both offer different reactions as my question hangs in the air. Juliette perks up, her eyes wide in curiosity and concern while Madeline drops her eyes and fiddles with her fingers. I know that she, like the others at school, would have been there when Justine publicly humilated me.