Chapter 108 - Hazy Days

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You always play martyr, always trying to save everyone

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You always play martyr, always trying to save everyone.  I respect that and it's something I love about you. But as soon as you couldn't figure out how to "save" Lita, you turned to drink. There would be days towards the end of the tour where I wouldn't even see you. Izzy would be asking where you were.

You came back crying, saying all you do is drink and that you never see Izzy. I told you I'd be there no matter what, that I'd help you get through it. The next day, you just did the same thing all over again. Drink, avoid me, avoid our kid, cry, drink and play on stage. Then you would come back again and expect me to pick up the pieces.

I no longer recognised this person to be my wife. This person so empty and hollow, avoiding everything she had been given in life, just to sit and wallow in self pity and booze. This wasn't you.

You lashed out at everything and everyone just because Lita wouldn't listen to you. Then you came home and Lita went to rehab. She sorted her shit out. I stupidly expected you to fall back into our routine. But I would try and talk to you and you just weren't fucking there. We have always argued, we clash and that's who we are. But this time you would get so vile and nasty, you were always out for blood.

How the fuck am I meant to feel? You told Lita that you didn't want an unsupportive husband. That I probably had divorce papers at the ready after one argument. After all the shit I had tried to help you through, that's what I deserved?

I can't believe you would treat your family this way. I've seen it all before, in my mom of all people. It's only drink now. But then the pills come, and then all the endless men you would bring into Izzy's life if I had enough one day.

I fell in love with you because you were untamed, independent, you were free. You didn't rely on anything or anyone. You wouldn't put up with anyone's shit, including mine.

I know I've contributed to some of the damage you're trying to repair. And I'm so fucking sorry for how I've treated you in the past. But you're hurting us, you're hurting our kid.

I'm pissed off that you let it get this far, that you willingly avoided us just to drink yourself into oblivion.

There's only so much more I can take.

It had been damn hard to read. But Victoria felt like you were ready.

"How does it make you feel? Are you angry at him?" She asked after you put down the piece of paper.

"I'm not angry, I feel guilty. If this was the other way round and he had been this way, I don't know if I would stay" You admitted with a sigh.

"You only have two days left here, do you think that you have achieved everything you wanted?"

You watched her tap her pen on the desk as she studied you. You weren't sure. You had gone through the behavioural training, you had gone through the therapy. Whether it made a blind bit of difference or not was really up to them.

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