Chapter 106 - Self Medicate

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"Can you not see that I'm begging you not to do this?"

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"Can you not see that I'm begging you not to do this?"

Nikki looked  at you through the steamed glass as you walked in the bathroom as he showered. You had felt like you were losing the reigns on your marriage and you didn't know what to do.

"I'm not saying our marriage is over. I'm not saying I don't love you. I just need some time" You heard him respond.

"What can I do to make this better Nikki?" You asked as you stood against the pane. You weren't sure how your relationship got to this. Well, you did know. You opened your big mouth and said shit you didn't mean.

"You can't. I'm tired of trying to convince you I'm not a bad guy. I'm tired of feeling like a failure every single time you drink, every time we argue. And then when I try and help, you act like I'm an asshole who's gonna up and leave you" He ranted.

"Isn't that what you're doing now?" You said defensively. You felt panic wash over you at the thought of him walking out for two years and not looking back. This is why you ran, this is why you drank. To avoid the inevitable.

"Is that what you want me to do?" He asked as he turned the shower off. You took his hand as soon as he stepped out the shower and he sighed. He dropped your hand and grabbed a towel, wrapping it around him.

"I don't want you to go Nikki. I miss you and you haven't even left yet" You mumbled. "If my drinking is an issue, I will get help."

"When we met, you were this independent woman who wanted no part of relying on a man for anything. And it was so refreshing" He said as you watched him shave. "And now you're dependent on drink, you're dependent on me picking up the pieces.  To fix every problem you have. You aren't that woman anymore."

You knew every word he spoke was true. The tour had ruined you in so many ways. You drank to get over the band's issues. You cried to Nikki nearly every night about Lita, about the band, about you. This wasn't the person you recognised either.

"I think another thing that disappoints me most, is that you promised you would be there for Lita. You visited her once. You phone her hardly." Nikki shook his head as he washed his razor.

"Nikki, I.."

"No. This break isn't for me, it's for you. To figure out what the hells happened to you and to fix it" Nikki interrupted. His face and his words were stern, but his eyes were looking at yours desperately. He wasn't being cold, he was fighting every instinct he had to help you.

"Two years is a long time" You sniffed. "What if you find someone else?"

"Then it means you haven't changed. And that I can't do this" He said sadly. "I just want the woman I fell in love with. I want my wife, I want the mother to my kid back. But if you can't come back, then I can't stay."

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