Moving Forward

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Rule Number Fifty: Doing the right thing doesn't always feel good.

Pregnant.

It felt weird even thinking it, let alone saying it out loud.

Sweet little Ana, the Ana that I had known from a little girl. The Ana that I disgraced and said dirty things to in a moment of lust- was pregnant.

She was going to be someone's mother. I was more than happy that Tom and her had moved on. But it also seemed drastic, divorcing one moment and telling me she loved me. And the next moment carrying my brothers baby?

I was going to be an uncle an uncle to a child that's mother I had fucked. Multiple times. What kind of game of thrones shit was this?

The gym was full for a Sunday morning and after seeing a very pregnant Ana gulping down a Frapp. I needed to blow off some steam. It was noted that my family, especially my brother, didn't bother to let me know she was expecting.

But by the sounds of it none of them had told her I was back either. Maybe my worst fear was true, they really didn't care about me.

The self loathing Harry of the past would've flipped. Perfect Tom having a perfect baby with his perfect wife. None of which I would ever have.

This time, however, I didn't care. I was warm and happy that they managed to work it out.

Over the past year I had been celibate or having sex with just Ana. And now that Ana was completely off the table I was simply just sex free.

It was odd for me not to be trying to put my dick somewhere it didn't belong. And the devil in me would've taken pregnant Ana for a ride if she had begged me enough.

Lord could only imagine how swollen her breasts were. And pregnant women were horny as all hell. Tom was sure to be getting it multiple times a day.

Ew.

I scolded myself for even thinking about Ana, a soon to be mother, in that way.

I pushed harder while lifting the weight. Being careful not to bulk up because a magazine would black list me if I did.

"Are you okay?" Seth asked breaking me out of my intense stare at myself in the mirror.

Dropping the weight I nodded, "I'm fine".

And I was. Just a little shook up on the prospect that things were really over between me and Ana.

He didn't believe me and passed me a light weight.

"Ana's pregnant" I added.

Seth's eyebrows shot to his hair line, he was the only other person that I spoke to on a regular basis who had just had a baby.

"Yours?" He presumed.

"Fuck no!" I snapped a little too loudly. It might as well have been considering at one point we were fucking regularly. And it was rare that any of my matter was spilled anywhere out side of her body.

Things between me and Ana had always been passionate and animalistic. I chuckled to myself at the thought of Tom being too nervous to come inside of her. He was such a pussy.

"Thank God. You two are done? Or should I say you finally broke the chain and left whatever it was between you to where it should've been left?"

I didn't like the way he said that. It was too real for me to handle. Because the fact was our original tryst was supposed to be just that. A one time thing not a series of bad mistakes that felt way too good.

The idea of me breaking up their marriage and coming out the winner was such a stupid, juvenile thing to do.

And it didn't work. Because it became more than that. Every word I said meant something, every intimate moment after the first was a burst of emotions that had built up so heavily because I was so painfully into her.

Ana wasn't my type. She wasn't coordinated, she wasn't cool. She was girly to the point that it was sickening, sensitive to the point that it might as well have been a disorder. And insecure to the point that it made me reflect back on myself. And make me wonder why I was so pissy about life.

I made her look like an complete idiot. She had no idea of my plans and how I wanted to ruin everything for her. Ana was simple and whether Tom was a knight in shining armour or a total tool she would've been happy for eternity with him not knowing any better.

Because she was pure and honest. And I took that all away.

"You're in love with her" Seth spoke when I didn't answer back.

I wasn't.

I couldn't be.

Seeing her in a dimly lit hallway in that sequined dress minutes before midnight with a heart broken, but determined look on her face, would haunt me forever.

She ran to be with her husband because she chose him. I essentially forced her too, I should've led her to him myself.

I could've just said it back but that wouldn't have been right. She didn't love me, she loved who she thought I was. That whatever happened between us was natural and spur of the moment. But it wasn't and she didn't because I was a lying piece of shit.

"No" I shook my head getting the nasty thought to leave.

"Well then it's settled. Are you ever going to tell Tom about you two?" He teased the darkest secret of my life in front of my face.

"I can't, it would break his heart".

I couldn't imagine Tom hearing what we had done. It wasn't any of my business to wreck a perfectly fine relationship. She wouldn't tell a soul and neither would I.

We finished up and instead of hitting the full naked male showers. I grabbed my hoodie and left. My phone had multiple missed calls from Tom.

Biting the bullet I called back.

"Harry!" He exclaimed when he answered.

"Tom" I deadpanned walking through the busy streets. He never called and when he did it usually meant bad news for me.

"What were you doing I called about a dozen times, are you alright man?"

"I'm fine just leaving the gym" I spoke debating on whether or not to grab a coffee. Starbucks was addicting and living by one didn't help.

"Nice, well anyways it's mom's birthday next weekend in case you've forgotten. Me and dad were thinking we could go to the beach house in Monaco" he began and I knew where this was headed. This is exactly why I didn't want anyone to know I was in New York.

"And?" I entertained him.

"And we want you to go. It will be me and Ana her family and ours" he tried his best to make it seemed tempting but he must have forgotten who I was.

"I can't" I quickly stated finally deciding to get my coffee.

"Of course you can. Ana told me she saw you. You must know that she's pregnant, once we have kids more events like this will happen. We want you to be apart of our child's life, your it's uncle. You can bring Erica she's always down for some good fun" he suggested.

Erica wouldn't come, certainly not after the last time when she witnessed me drop off the map for two days to fool around with Ana.

The thought of their baby being my niece or nephew that looked up to me was a shot to the gut. It was too much pressure.

"Okay I'll come" I finally agreed as I hit the doors of my safe haven.

Being a better person and leaving the past in the past; began with doing things that you didn't want to do.

I saw Shawn Mendes live and it was incredible, highly recommend! I hope you enjoyed!

©2017, thirteen13blue

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