chapter 43 the apology

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Victorias POV

What was Simmi up to? I wondered as I collected my books and packed up my laptop. The laptop that Phillip had given me and I wished that I had my old pink beat up secondhand one back.

Supplies for the restaurant, yeah right, Simmi was about as interested in her fathers restaurant as bhai was in our parents hotel.

I sighed, I didn’t really want to go back home, but Stanford would be waiting in the parking lot for me before we went to get Phillip.

I couldn’t stand it, the silent treatment, the accusing stares, the empty bed.

I had gotten so used to sleeping with him next to me and I missed him, his warmth…..his very assertive attentiveness  and it was doing my head in.

I needed to concentrate, I clear my mind, I had exams and I needed to pass well. It was so stupid, I should have never let things get anywhere near this far, at least then, maybe I wouldn’t be so stressed.

If I had only kept my feelings to myself then maybe I wouldn’t be burning in my own personal purgatory.

This wasn’t what I was supposed to be, I was never supposed to be that girl , wallowing in misery over a guy. When had I become that girl. I hated it, hated this feeling, hated the hurt.

I kept my head down as I walked out of the lecture hall, not wanting to talk to anyone and not really paying attention either when someone tapped me on my shoulder.

“ hey miss, this is for you.” The boy said as he handed me a gigantic red rose an ran off, his face almost as red as the rose he had handed me.

‘ hey! HEY! Come back!” I shouted to him . “ you must have the wrong person!” I sighed and looked at the rose then smelled its beautiful perfume.

There was no one I knew at the moment who would want to give me flowers, let alone such a perfect rose.

I walked down the familiar path to the parking lot, it wasn’t too long ago that Phillip and driven me over these very paths on his bike, but today that seemed like a lifetime ago.

I didn’t register the motorcycle on the path as I walked by, my mind lost in space and my heart wallowing in misery, even though it was pretty much blocking the path.

I didn’t see him leaning against the bike, roses in hand, smiling somewhat sheepishly.

I didn’t see anything until he grabbed my hand and pulled me close and in a second his lips were on mine, kissing me hard and passionately, not caring at the uncomfortable stares of the people around us. I tried to push away, but he didn’t let me and after a few minutes he finally relented, letting me catch my breath, the roses carelessly tossed onto the pavement.

“ Please stop being mad at me.” He whispered, holding my head to my chest.

“ you don’t trust me.” I said listening to his heartbeat, feeling his warmth. I wanted to wrap my arms around him, to hold him just for a moment, but I put my hands up and pushed gently away from him. “ I have to go, Stanford will be waiting.”

“ no Stanford today, you are coming with me.”

“ thanks, but no thanks,  I’ll catch the bus.”

“ the busses don’t go past where we live.”

“ I’ll figure something out.”

“ why are you being so stubborn?’

“ look, I don’t know how it works on your planet , but trust needs to work both ways. If you cant trust me, I am not going to trust you. Just look at where that’s gotten me!

I’m tired of this shit, get it into your head that I am not some gold digging whore whose only after your money. MY PARENTS where the ones that are broke and needed YOUR PARENTS money. One day I will have my own. This stupid agreement that your mother cooked up is literally ruining my life!

I want……wanted …….to be with you because I really care about you, but, you treat me with so little regard!

But now, I don’t know, I cant even register what I am feeling.”

I handed him the rose that the boy had given me.

‘Find someone else who you can buy over with the flowers. I am done with getting hurt.” I said quietly, instantly feeling awful I said those words. I was upset, saying words I didn’t really mean. I was hurt and angry and I lashed out in any way I could.

Except he sat there grinning.

‘ You want to be with me…yet you’re trying to break up with me?”

“ why not? After all its only a contract marriage so lets keep it as its supposed to be, a contract.”

“ why are you hell bent on hurting me? And us?”

“ there is no us, there should have never been an us.”

‘no I don’t accept that. Whether you like it or not you are still my wife.”

“only on a blasted piece of paper and only until the contract ends.”

‘ then why on earth would I have had this made for you?” he grabbed a jacket off the bike and  It was bright magenta, my favorite color, and on the back was a huge glittery letter “ V’ topped with a halo and angel wings. It was a bike jacket, custom made for me. I gripped the jacket in my hands, the leather felt so soft and supple.

It was beautiful and I loved it, but if it was leather I couldn’t wear it.

‘I’ve been a jerk, I know that, but I can’t take sides between you and Richard!”

‘ I never asked you to, but I need to know that you trust ME as much as you trust HIM. And that’s obviously not the case. Did it mean anything to you? Giving me those earrings and asking me to be with you? Or was it a game?’

He grabbed my shoulders and looked straight into my eyes.

“ I meant every word. I want to be with you, this past week has been hell! I miss you, I need you. Please forgive me and lets work things out.”

It wasn’t the apology I wanted, but close enough. Was this how relationships worked? It was so hard and yet so simple at the same time. I really didn’t really want things to end, far from it. And he seemed so sincere, hell, I could still taste him from his kiss earlier, my lips still tingled.

‘ ok, don’t forgive me yet, but at least let me try to make things up to you. The jacket, its made with camel leather and not cow leather.”

“ How did you know? Cows are holy, that’s why we don’t eat beef.”

“ I’m not that stupid!” he said indignantly. ‘Now put it on and get on, lets go for a drive, I have somewhere special to take you.”

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