Marvel Imagines

Avengers 99 [Avengers x Reader]

"Look, there are two ways we can do this. The easy way or the hard way, " Steve told Rumlow, pushing him down on a chair.

Natasha smirked and nudged Steve. "Tell him what the hard way is, Cap."

"Well, first, Rumlow, we're gonna fill out form 38E-J1, stating noncompliance. We send it to the DA, but do they process it right away? No, because they're overwhelmed because Debra's on maternity leave. So your court date won't be set for six or eight weeks, and even then, you're gonna have to block off the whole day, because they don't give you a specific time. No, no, it's a window." Steve told Rumlow, while Natasha was looking at Steve in a what the fuck way.

"Steve, can I talk to you for a second?" Natasha asked. Steve nodded and stepped aside. "I thought we were gonna try to scare him."

Steve nodded. "There's nothing scarier than the realities of the municipal court system. Now, come on; let's get back in there and tell him about how bad the website is."

-

"Come on Clint, we're getting late for the mission! Enter the jet within five minutes or we're leaving without you," Tony yelled.

"Yes, yes, just a second!" Clint turned to you, "Y/N, do you have a hairdryer in your purse?"

"No!" you exclaimed.

"Don't women keep these things in their purse?" Clint asked.

"No. Have you ever met a real woman?" you asked.

"Wait. Thor, do you have a hairdryer in your bag?"

"Yes, of course! Who do you think I am?!" Thor exclaimed, getting a hairdryer out of his bag.

"How did you even get married, Clinton?!" you exclaimed.

-

"Look at my baby, look at my baby!" Clint said, passing his phone to the rest of his teammates to look at a picture of his boy, Nathaniel.

"It's just a baby, Clint. Babies are annoying," Tony huffed.

Clint gasped. "How dare you! My baby is the embodiment of cuteness!"

"There, there," Natasha patted the archer's shoulder.

"Tony, there's someone by the name of Peter, asking for you," Happy announced, coming into the room.

Spongebob's voice: Some days later

"You know Clint, I didn't understand why you cared so much about your dumb kids until I got a dumb kid myself," Tony said, shoving a shy Peter out in the front, "I've only had Peter for a day and a half, but if anything happened to him, I would kill everyone in this room and then myself."

-

"And this here, lead us to the exhibit of-" the museum guide droned on, with none of the Avengers actually paying attention to him.

Well, except for Steve, of course.

"This is boooooring," Sam whined.

"Hey guys, why not go and mess around with the sculptures?" Bucky suggested.

"What-no! No touching the artwork. It was in the rules!" Steve exclaimed hushedly, careful not to alert the guide who was still droning on and on about romanticism in art.

"Rules are made to be broken," Vision stated.

Steve gasped. "You too, Vis?! And no! They were made to be followed. Nothing is made to be broken!"

"Uh, piñatas," Wanda said.

"Glow sticks," Peter added.

"Karate boards," Natasha told.

"Spaghetti when you have a small pot," you piped up.

Steve sighed.

They are never gonna change.

-

"Y/E/N dumped me," you sighed, flopping down on the couch, "Maybe it was for the better. I never loved him anyways."

"Breakups are a cartoony thumbs down. They make people feel face-with-Xs-for-the-eyes," Loki said to you, handing you a tub of ice-cream.

You eyed him weirdly, "You okay, Loki? You're talking weirdly."

"The English language can not fully capture the depth and complexity of my thoughts. So I'm incorporating Emoji into my speech to better express myself. Winky face."

"Ignore him. My suggestion? Forget your ex with meaningless sex. It rhymes because it's true," Wanda said, appearing at your side suddenly.

Vision gasped, "Wanda!"

"What?!"

-

It was so fun writing this. I might even make a part two someday!