Melt My Frozen Heart - 15

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I could feel consciousness slowly start to creep up on me. But I honestly didn't want to wake up. I don't want to see Ryder's reaction. I don't want to retell my story. I don't want to deal with anything. I'm such a coward. Always running away (Or in this situation, fainting) so I didn't have to deal with that problem. But I guess whoever was in the room with me noticed I was starting to wake up since I felt a hand clamp down on my shoulder and I started to move back and forth, in a gentle yet impatient way. I groaned loudly when the last bit of my dark comfort slipped away, leaving me to deal with reality. I felt my eyelids flutter a bit before they my eyes opened completely. My eyes quickly scanned the room, noticing that everyone but Ryder was here. 

Which just sent a stab of guilt to attack my heart non-stop, my mind rubbing salt over the wound as it whispered to me that I hurt him. 

Aiden stopped shaking my shoulder once he realized I was up. I quickly looked to see where I was exactly. Aiden and Colton's house. I groaned as a wave of pain attacked the back of my head, causing me to clutch it with my hand. In turn, the pain intensified. 

"Here." I heard a monotone voice say next to me. Ryder. 

I whipped my head to look at him only to groan in pain again as another wave hit me, harder than the last. I heard a sigh from next to me before a glass of water was thrown into my hand, pills slipping into my other hand. I quickly took the medicine and shot my hand out to grab Ryder's hand before he could walk away. 

"Can I talk to you?" I asked quietly, still not really looking at anyone. The rest of the gang slowly trickled out of the room, leaving the two of us. Alone. 

I sat up and tugged on his arm, wanting him to sit next to me. He seemed hesitant at first before he sat down net to me, shoulders stiff and tense. I sighed before i pulled his hand I was holding onto my lap, drawing random shapes and lines into his palm. 

"You know, I didn't mean to faint on you," I said, barely hearing my voice over the eerily quiet room. A long silence followed my sentence, broken by his voice.

"I know."

I stared down at his palm, tears slowly building up in my eyes as I continued drawing. 

"I really wanted to say yes."

I never looked up to see his reaction. Judging by how he didn't move his hand away, I'm guessing he's as indifferent as before. 

"Then why didn't you?"

I sighed, letting the tears slowly slip away, crawling it's way down my face. 

"...I'm scared, Ryder."

I wiped my eyes before I looked up at him to see his reaction. His outward appearance didn't seem to have changed from when he first sat down, but his eyes held a softer, more intense look."

"Scared of what, Rose? Scared I'll hit you or abandon you or-"

"Yes," I said, cutting him off. "I'm scared that I'll fall for you so hard and you won't feel the same. I'm scared that your feelings will change and you'll hit me. I'm scared you'll make me live hell again." I stopped suddenly, knowing I just made my worst mistake.

"Again?" he questioned. "What do you mean again?"

I sighed, dropping my gaze from his eyes, looking down at the rug.

"His name was Chris. He was my boyfriend for 3 years. We were so in love at first. He knew what was happening with me and my family. He understood and he was always there for me. We knew everything about each other and everyone thought we'd be together forever. But as I fell harder for him, he fell out of love with me."

I took a deep breath, glancing up at Ryder. He waited patiently for me to go on. I looked back down before I continued. "You'd figure he'd break things up when he realized this. But he didn't. He thought that he could do whatever he wanted and I would always forgive him. And that's what happened. He got drunk. I forgave him the second he was sober. He kissed a few girls. The next day, he'd bring flowers and a promise to never do it again. And I'd forgive him. Then he started hitting me. He always claimed he was drunk, that it was just the alcohol. Of course, stupid me believed him. But one day, he went to far. He..." I trailed off, my throat tightening as the memories started to flood my head. The words left my mouth in a whisper, causing me to be enveloped into a gentle, yet tight hug, allowing me to cry away all my pain that I held inside. But no one could heal the pain of being a rape victim.

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