Guilt. It was all you felt when you say Bessy and the kids. All of that could be ruined in a matter of seconds, and it would be all your fault. When you met Joe durning one of the guys' recordings of the show, you knew he was married so when he asked you out it made your heart jump.
"Joe. I know your married." You told him, with some anger in your voice. He turned away from you with his eyes nervously darting around the cafe you both sat at.
"That's not...going well." He looked back but it was down at his donut. "I never thought I'd fall out of love with her. Even if I know that I wouldn't even ask you out but...I knew I'd regret it if I didn't ask you because my god I saw you and knew I needed to get to know you. And from these few minutes together I want a more." He explained. You softed up a bit. You've heard married couples falling out of love before and it was definitely sad.
"And this feeling is mutual?" You asked. He seemed a little confused. "You and your wife both feel this way." He sighed a little.
"We don't even sleep in the same bed." He laughed a bit. "I have couple months of back pain to prove it." He said trying to add some comedy to the situation. You gave a bit of a pity chuckle.
"I mean I guess it wouldn't hurt to go on a date or two." You mumbled. Joe smiled brightly. He slid over his unlocked phone to get your number. When you handed it back, his wallpaper started back. A smiling wife and two kids that to anyone would be cute. But you knew the truth behind that domestic bliss. Within a week, Joe had plans to come over to your house for a movie and dinner.
It would be safer that way. I don't wanna seem like I'm that famous but you never know who will see. That text made you anxious. You felt like a dirty secret. A home wrecker. A life ruiner. The thought made you wanna cry it was so heavy and haunting. So that night, after much thought and self reflection, Joe knocked on your door. He was dress nicely, holding a bouquet of flowers and had no ring on his finger.
"Thank you Joe." You let him come in as you admired the pretty flowers. You couldn't help but to think about the guys who never gave you flowers, even after the first date. Calm down (Y/N) they're just some flowers. You told yourself. Joe offered to order you some food which you reluctantly accepted.
"This is a first date so i don't know your cooking skills." He smirked. You smacked him on the arm which made he laugh loudly. The food came and you Joe agreed on a movie together. But as you sat there you realized that the two of your didn't pay much attention to the movie. You found yourselves talking each other's ears off. You joked, got serious, got deep and got to know each other. Hearing Joe talk about his wife and kids broke your heart a bit.
"So what are you gonna do?" You asked him. He sighed.
"I have no clue. I don't wanna hurt the kids they're so young. But I just can't stand to look at the mother of my kids and not be in love. It hurts me because it Bessy! I loved her. How can I look her and not feel that way. I can't force myself to feel that way." He said. He spoke quickly like this had been in his mind for awhile now. You wondered if he ever expressed this to his three best friends. You were caught off guard by his small laugh. You looked at the tv screen he was looking at. A select screen with cheesy 80's like music was playing on the large screen. You laughed.
"Looks like we missed the whole movie." You said. He nodded.
"Whatever. I didn't wanna watch it anyways. This was better." He said. You agreed with him which was followed with silence. You looked at the time. The cable box read 11:03 pm.
"Where does she think you are?" You asked in a low voice. Joe laid his arm on the top of the couch behind you.
"Sal's." He told you. Silence again. You felt his hand rub your shoulder. "(Y/N), you trust me, right?" He asked. You looked at him.
"You seem trustworthy." You told him. You found yourself sinking into his side. His arm went around your shoulder and his rubbing hand moved to your upper arm.
"That doesn't answer my question." You were taken back by his stern voice. He sent his forehead on the side of your head. "Do you trust me?" He repeated. You sighed. You wanted to tell him yes for reassurance but even you knew that would be a lie.
"Joe, this is our first date. While our conversation has definitely added some trust to our relationship I don't think it would be appropriate to just say yes when I still just barely know you." You told him. You were surprised to see him smile at that.
"Then I guess we'll have to go on some more dates." He said. You smiled at him and nodded. He was right when it came to that. There was many more dates in the future. They were all amazing. When you both first kissed you felt so happy but with that came guilt. She doesn't know what he's doing. Your conscious said. She's thinks he's goofing around with his friends but instead it's some girl he met on set. With those thoughts in your head Joe's love and affection made it go away for a while. A year later, and you guys were going on very strong. He told you he loved you constantly, he kissed and hugged you to death, you even spent a few night together but yet in the back of your mind you saw them. A beautiful wife, a eccentric little girl and a little Joe Gatto twin, all smiling to their loving father and husband. You known that Joe always thought about it to. There were times were he broke down to you.
"You don't deserve me (Y/N). You shouldn't have to wait for me. I'm holding you back from your life." He would rant to over the phone.
"No you're not Joe. I'll wait for you as long as you need. I'm in love with you." You would hear him sigh in pure relief.
"I love you too. So much." He gushed. Then came that night. You were dead asleep on a hot Staten Island summer night when you heard a loud bang on your door. It made you shoot awake and almost scream. Before getting up, you glanced over at your phone. With your phone on do not disturb, you never heard the many texts from Joe. The only one you could read before you jumped out of bed was I'm on way, a short text with little context. You ran down the stairs and yelled a loud 'coming' when you heard the second pounding. You opened the door to a clearly distraught Joe. He looked like he was out of this world, like he didn't have a single thought straight in that crazy mind of his.
"Baby?" You asked. He lunged forward and hugged you tightly. After getting over the shock of it, you hugged him back. He backed the two of you in and shut the door with one kick of his foot. You had to reach for the doorway light so you could both see.
"I did it." He whispered. You couldn't help but to gasp a little.
"Really?" You whispered just as low as him. You felt him nod.
"I couldn't take it. I broke down and told her everything." He said. You pulled away so you can look at him. His arms stayed around your waist but your eyes met.
"What did she say?" You asked. He seemed to struggle with what to say. You could practically see the wheels turning in his head.
"She was shocked, but didn't really seem to care. There were no tears. There were no big questions of why. Just...whatever." He explained. You nodded your head but didn't really know what to say. You knew he was telling the truth when he said the love wasn't there but this was definite proof that there was no love. There wasn't any love to be broken. With no words in mind, you just kissed him. He kissed back but not with much in him. He was clearly frazzled beyond belief.
"You're completely out of it Joe Gatto." You whispered, gently to him. He nodded lazily. "Would you like to go to bed. He nodded again with a small yes. You took him up to your room and basically tucked him into your bed. You slid under the sheets beside and kissed him one more time. But after that you couldn't sleep. Your mind was racing for Joe. You had no clue what the future held.
This is was very weird to write. I didn't really like taken a relationship such as Joe and Bessy's and making it all sour. But it guess when inspiration strikes inspiration strikes. So don't think I hate Bessy by any means. She seems very lovely and has a good relationship with Joe and a beautiful family.