Since I Don't Have You (Guns N' Roses - Duff McKagan)

Chapter Twenty-Six

Duff's POV:

"At least I'm not a junkie like you." It rung over in my head, haunting me like a ghost. I was very drunk, very angry, confused and heart broken. Slamming Shelia's apartment door, I stormed down the corridor with steam practically blowing out of my ears. How could she do that to me? He could she believe some stupid test rather than me? Not that the test was wrong, I was guilty. I had fallen off the bandwagon late last night and when I was on my own, I ran into my usual dealer. I did buy and I did get myself fucked up. I knew I shouldn't have, but I couldn't not do it. The craving was there and having known about Shelia and Slash, I guess that was a bit of a push to me. I didn't even want to do the drug test today, for the simple fact that I knew it would come back positive, but Shelia wasn't having any of it. Which I guess was fair on her side, because of the deal we had. But I tried to postpone it, hoping she would miraculously forget again. This had been the first time I had lied to her since she had come back into my life and I only did it because I was embarrassed and very ashamed of myself. Like she said, I valued my addictions more than her and I didn't want her to believe that it was true. Because it wasn't, I just couldn't help it. I couldn't deny the need for it, that buzz. It was like a itch I couldn't scratch. I guess that itch I couldn't scratch, just fucked up my entire life again. Because here I am, leaving. She was done with me and I couldn't wrap my head around it.

Getting to the stairs, I stopped to hold onto the railing. My chest tightened and I felt the air escape my lungs. This was really it. This was how we would leave it? I had fucked up the very last time Shelia walked out on me and it was messy, but this time it felt even messier. Clenching onto the railing, I gasped for a breath. It felt like my heart had just been ripped out of my chest and I had been punched in the gut. This wasn't what I had planned, this was the last thing. I was trying to sober up, I was trying to get clean despite my alcoholism. It was hard, but I was doing the best I could, for her. I had let my addictions control the last time we were together and look where that got me, alone and broken hearted. And here I am again, in the same fucking boat.

Feeling the lump form in my throat, I found myself on the verge of tearing up. This was fucking it. Sucking in a short breath, I slowly exhaled trying to keep myself from crumbling. She was done with me, she warned me this would happen. And Shelia had dumped me, again. I wanted to scream out, slam my fists into the wall. I felt an array of emotions and urges. To go find some more coke and snort a few lines, turn around and walk back to Shelia's apartment to give her a piece of my mind, punch someone and finally, harm myself. I didn't care what I did to myself, I had nothing else, I had nobody.

Feeling something wet and hard hit the back of my head, I let out a grunt and watched as a bag of frozen peas ricocheted off of me and down the stairs. I knew who threw that and why and I didn't want any part of it. Turning around to see Slash bounding down the corridor to me, the anger was clear on his face and the way his curls bounced as he walked. He was close to breathing fire, I could see it. Watching him stop in front of me, Slash gritted his teeth and puffed out his chest. He was itching for a fight. No surprise. Slash felt the same way as I did about Shelia and he was VERY protective of her. It made a lot of sense and since he had almost had his own way with her, he was even more protective. "You are a real piece of shit, thinking you can talk to her like that." He growled, trying to make himself seem bigger than what he was. "For all she has done for you, now and years ago. I say good fucking riddance, she doesn't need you. All you do is fucking suffocate her with your bad habits and behaviour." Slash snarled, his fists clenched tight as he stared up at me.

I held on for dear life, trying not to break down into a sobbing mess. So I clenched my jaw and stared down at him as sternly as I could. I was waiting for him to throw the first punch and when he didn't, he slammed his shoulder into me as he stomped down the stairs, picking up the bag of peas in the process.