Teur Life xx

toronto, may 12th, council bluffs

NO EMOJI could describe her emotional state at the moment. Nothing could be even near her silent suffering throughout tour, knowing her pain must be suffocated due to the fake smiles she must present to her fans and to the rest of her family. The band couldn't know. Mitch, Kevin, Scott, Matt- none of them could know.

Thankfully, she wasn't the only one. Mrs. Koop was drowning too, in her own agony, as their dearly beloved Avriel Kaplan steered the ship of safety and love far far away from both of their hearts, leaving them in a salty sea of sorrow to die.

    Or, she thought as she sat in the airport across from him without him even giving her a pitiful glare as he had done earlier, she could be given another chance. Hope was a funny thing, and even in the midst of wreckage, she knew that one day, her heart would open up to hope and recognize the love of her life. Whether she believed it to be Avi, or Jeremy- thankfully not him, he had played her as she later believed during the days leading up to their wedding, and now it was completely obvious through how he jumped from her to different Youtubers, his prior morals now consumed by his lust for clout-, or whomever else in the world that could possibly truly love her for who she was and not her stardom nor her fame, well, she didn't know. But it had to happen one day, didn't it? Everyone falls in love, and even if it wasn't meant to be, Kirstie decided that one day her heart would open up to such happiness.  [LOL this paragraph sounds like something Snow White or Mary Margaret Blanchard from once upon a time would say]

    On another point, it was Mother's Day today, this May 12th, 2019. She smiled tearfully as she skimmed through photos on her camera roll of her and her fur babies, Olaf, Pascal, and her latest puffball, baby Floof, truly missing her little children. In a few days, they'd have a break, after their NYC show, they'd have a whole month off, and then she could see them, see her precious pups, see her beautiful mother, who was coming to the show on the 16th, and spend time with her friends and family. Surrounding herself in love without having to drown in it as she was doing now...though she knew hope could possibly save her right now, so she tried not to allow her fate to be taken over by the rough waters.

     After all, once someone falls to the bottom, the only way they can escape is back up to the top. She'll rise again out of the ashes; a phoenix, she was determined to be.

    Speaking of Mother's Day, she clicked off of her photo library, swiping over to her contact list, calling her sweet mother. Slipping her phone besides her ear, she held it between her ear and shoulder as Mitch handed her a bag from McDonald's, her hands gripping the paper bag from falling.

    "Thanks," she whispered to Mitch, who smiled back, noticing that she was on the phone, thus not saying a word.

    "Hey Kirstie," Angelica's voice soothed her pains instantly- oh what the voice of a mother could do to a confused, broken child, almost being able to stitch back the ripped pieces to a stable fabric once again.

     "Happy Mother's Day, Mom," Kirstie exclaimed in a singsongy tone, continuing, "I miss you so freaking much."

    "I miss you too, though you know I am coming to your birthday show?" Angelica laughed lovingly as Kirstie nodded, excited tears in her eyes. For goodness sake, she was far too emotional these days, and the simple sound of her mother's voice just made her feel worse and better all at the same time.

    "I know," Kirstie laughed back, holding back her tears even as they started trickling down her bare face. "I just miss you, okay? After the show, I'm literally not going to leave your side ever again until tour starts back up again."

    "Girlie, you just promise, and we'll do just that," Angelica chuckled. "Seems like you want to make up for all the times in high school that you hung around in your friends' houses more than your own," she added with a giggle.