The Players (TP4)

46 - Like AA without the alcohol problem

Ryan

The closer the GPS told him he was to his destination the more nervous he felt. What was he going to say to her? Why was he even asking to meet her? He knew it all stemmed from telling his mother about Aidan. Speaking about him out loud made him real again or for the first time since his young mind never really let it soak in. He read the brain was not properly developed until age twenty-five. He definitely suffered from that fact.

When his GPS announced his destination was in five-hundred feet, he was ten minutes early. He needed to use the restroom before he could sit down and have more coffee. He dashed into the bathroom of the Starbucks while he was washing his hands. He took a good look at himself. He definitely looked older than his twenty-year-old self. Although he wore a decent t-shirt and shorts, he looked a bit crumpled from traveling. He was fit and could look a lot worse at thirty-six. Sighing, he stepped out of the men's room and scanned the crowd. His eyes stopped when he saw her. She raised her hand and gave a wave and had a slight smile pasted on her face.

She looked as nervous as he felt, but as beautiful as he remembered. Smiling, he walked toward her and both not knowing what to do they awkwardly hugged.

"You look..." He wanted to say beautiful but wasn't sure it was appropriate. She was married.

She nodded and cut him off. "You look good too."

He asked her what she wanted and she feigned protest, but he insisted on buying. He sat with their two coffees.

"Thank you."

He didn't see any reason to beat around the bush. "I just told my mother about him. I kept him a secret all these years." She nodded. "I just spent the summer with my family in Maine. I had let myself get distanced, and it changed this summer. I just felt if I was mending fences I have one more. It's like AA without the alcohol problem."

She laughed. "I left you and have always felt guilty."

"Looking back, I know I wasn't there for you. The grief and the guilt tore us apart, but we were the only ones who knew him."

"I know. I think of him more now I'm a mother than I ever did before."

"You have what two children? Did it all go okay with them?"

"It did, but it wasn't straight forward. I never lied to my husband. He always knew about you... both." Ryan nodded, glad that she didn't keep secrets like him. "I'm not sure if I'll tell my children. I think it will be a need to know."

"Need to know?" He didn't understand what she meant.

"You know if something happens in their life and hearing our story will help." Ryan was stuck on our story. "I don't know, like becoming pregnant as a teen or losing a baby or having a devastating breakup."

"It was devastating. It affected who I am today."

"What are you today? Your Facebook says nothing and your LinkedIn only tells me you're successful with your career. I don't see a ring, so..."

"I was ready to marry you and be a father. After, I decided I'd never get married or have children. I've had some relationships and I like Jack's kids, but I haven't found a reason to change my mind."

"I did that to you. My husband and kids are the best part of my life."

"I did it to myself, don't take the blame for my choices."

"How is Jack are you still competing with him?"

Ryan laughed. "I take it you never googled him. He's really good now, but I couldn't compete with Jack."