"Damnit Ella." He raises his voice. Tears blooms in my eyes. Why do I have to be so weak. He's right though. "I've been there for you, I fucking love you but it hurts to know you don't trust me."

I start crying. Every time he's saved me he gave me space, giving me time to open up when I'm ready. But I've been to scared to tell him and now if I don't do something I don't know how that will affect us.

He told me about his sister who he keeps safe. He told me about his father who is abusive and I've told him nothing. He's told me about his mother, that he doesn't speak to anyone else about.

"I-I do trust you more then anyone." I say trying to buy more time.

He looks me straight in the eye. "But not enough."

He starts to walk towards the door to leave but I stop him. "Wait."

"So you can lie to me again." I flinch.

"Please, I...I just need a second." I say pleading.

He sits down in the chair opposite the bed staring at me attentively. I take a deep breathe and start from the beginning. First I tell him about the day he found me crying in the park. How Julian asked me questions that brought back everything. His eyes visibly darken but nods for me to keep going. I tell him about the first bad dream I had with him. The one where a guy chases me into the road and a truck was coming full speed at me. Then I tell him about how much I loved soccer, how I loved my team. I become a sobbing mess and Declan takes me into his arms. But I keep going. I tell him about how good I was doing in the game. How I've already scored four times. How my mom and dad were so proud. How I was so happy. But lastly I tell him how the ball went out bounds and I went to get it in the middle of the road. And because I wasn't paying attention I got my father killed.

I can't breathe, I hate reliving it. This is how my anxiety started, this is why I don't get close to people. This is why I will never play soccer again.

Declan holds me close as cry into his arms. "I'm so sorry." He whispers to me. "It's not your fault." I just cling to him like he's the only thing keeping me alive.

He doesn't run away. He doesn't say it's my fault. He doesn't look at me with disgust. He just comforts me. "I love you so fucking much." He whispers kissing me. "I will never leave you."

"I can't lose you." I mumble.

"Never."
*
I've been at Declan's house all day. He won't leave my side. Im sitting on the couch and playing with Declan's hair as his head rests on my lap. I asked him how am I here, not at my house. My mom and Thomas must be going crazy.

"I want you here with me." He says. "I know you're safe when I'm with you."

I smile. "You know I'm safe at my house to."

He doesn't return the smile though. "Julian's my dad." Is all he says.

I untangle my hands from his hair and he sits up. "W-what." Shock over takes me. Julian is the man who has hurt Declan countless times. The man that Declan hates. The man who is dating my mom.

"I called your mom and told her I found you at the park, you got overwhelmed and forgot to tell her you were leaving." He pauses. "I told her that I brought you to my place and that your fine, Thomas won't tell her the truth."

That's a lot to take in all at once. Why didn't he tell my mom? Thomas knows? Is my mom safe?

"Oh." I say stupidly.

He gives me a confused look. His eyebrow raises and I can't help but smile. He's perfect. How did I get so lucky. Then I realize he's waiting for my response.

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