Behind the Scenes

Chapter 6

KATE

I couldn't take my eyes off the room, drinking in every detail and committing it to memory. My hands ran over the bookshelf lined with various titles, their colorful spines facing outwards and enticing me to pull one off the shelf just to flip through it. It was dimly lit, almost eerie, with the dark red comforter, the heavy curtains and the posters on the wall. There were random items scattered around that I would never have thought of when putting such a space together; little aspects that made a person who they were, and brought them to life in simply their surroundings. A stack of post-its on the desk. A pencil with the eraser with teeth marks from endless gnawing, charge cords, and a single stuffed animal sitting in the corner, as if its mere existence was telling, and somewhat shameful.

I just couldn't get over how perfectly it all came together, as if they had taken a picture from inside my mind, and brought it to life. It was everything I ever wanted and more, every detail I mentioned in the books, no matter how small, was featured in the room.

It was Harry's room. Or, now Madden as he was in the published version, and would be in the show. The set designers had left no detail missed, and it gave me a flutter in my stomach to finally see it in person. My character would come to life in this room, his trials, his tribulations, and his inner most hidden demons lurking in the shadows.

It was my second day in New York City, and my first day touring the set that would be our home for the next few weeks. As Life After You was scheduled to start filming that Sunday, we had only a few days to ensure everything was perfect before the cameras started to roll. Yesterday had been nothing more than settling in and familiarizing myself with the city, a few meetings with the production team, and another with my editor. All day, my mind kept flickering to what this experience would be like, what I was in store for, and the anticipation of it all.

The moment Ashley and I stepped onto the lot this morning, everything came crashing down in its reality. We had been met by a member of production and taken on a small tour of the sets, shown where to find the cafeteria, and taken out back to where the actors trailers would be. It all felt so...big. Larger than life, or at least my life as I knew it. With each set we saw, from Layke's apartment, to the library where she first meets Madden, and everything in between, the visions I held in my mind and poured onto the page were now a reality. But it was this room; Madden's room, and really made it all seem like a fantasy. So much happens in this room, and it was so strange to see it now in real life.

I took a deep breath, trying to expel some of the nerves which had settled deep in my abdomen. As we toured the set, taking in each room, each feature. The trailers, the cafeteria, and even my own personal writing room that they had set up incase I had the inspiration to work away from the hectic nature of Hollywood, my anxiety had increased ten fold. It was a strange thing to consider, that something I had created at the age of sixteen, pouring out onto the page in my dreamy star struck fantasy of Harry Styles, had become this. I never would have expected my life to change as it had, simply for writing a story. All I did was take a person I idolized, and walked them through a movie in my mind. Now, it really was going to become a movie...or, a ten part show and one of Netflix's most anticipated releases for the following year.

I let myself sit back onto the bed with a bounce, pleased at how soft it was. The thought crossed my mind to just lay back and hide under the covers, the pressure of everything around me feeling like a weight pushing me down. This was all based on me and my story. Something that I created. What if it sucked? What if all the praise, all the accolades and all the bluster of success was really all a shame, and the moment we started filming everyone would realize that the entire story was crap, and it would end as rapidly as it began.

Everything had happened so quickly, that I couldn't help but still expect someone to jump out of the shadows with a camera, shouting 'Ha! Fooled you!' and telling me it was all a cruel joke. I was still waiting for that to happen.