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Overall, I really enjoyed your story. I saw no grammar or vocabulary issues (of course, I could've overlooked something, but it wouldn't have been anything really noticeable) and your book flowed really well. I love how within the first chapter, you get right into the action. It makes your story interesting and makes readers want to read more. Most books tend to drag for the first few chapters which can get kind of boring and make readers stop reading your book, but not with yours. I also liked how you used italics to describe the flashback in chapter two. It helps readers know that it isn't present day in that scene which makes your story more clear and easier to read.
I really like your chapter lengths. If anything, they could be a little longer (only like a hundred words or so), but things like that shouldn't be forced to a point where the chapters aren't good anymore. One thing I will say is that some of your paragraphs were a little confusing to read. For example, in your first paragraph in chapter one, I had to reread it to fully understand what it was saying. This can sometimes be because your sentences are too long. I also suggest adding author's notes at the end of your chapters. They are really helpful for interacting with your readers and thanking them for reading your story.
I really like how you included a map at the beginning of your story. It's nice for the readers to have visuals like that. You could also add pictures of your characters to show the readers what your characters look like, but it's not a must. In my personal opinion, I prefer to come up with my own picture of the characters in my mind. I also really liked your title. It is intriguing and matches up with your story really well. One thing I also really liked was how you described your scenes. You used very descriptive words which shows that you have a considerable vocabulary. Words like that really help paint a picture in readers' minds and help express the scenes better. I will just say that the really important scenes should use a more extensive and deep vocabulary so that readers can sympathize with the characters more. A death scene, for example, would be a good place to use a larger vocabulary. If you overuse descriptive words though, it can make them less 'special', but I think you did well with not overusing descriptive words too much.
I loved your story so much. I honestly had a really hard time looking for things for you to improve upon. I know your story will one day have millions of reads on wattpad if you keep pushing through and keep updating your story regularly. Even when no one's reading your book and you feel like it isn't good, just know that it is. In all honesty, for most new writers on wattpad, it can take years for their book to get discovered and reach millions of reads and votes. I will definitely continue to read your book and see how it plays out. I look forward to the next update!
