So, I just thought id inform you guys on a few things going on in my life. I've started senior year! I'm really happy about it although I'm not too excited about college. I planning on taking a year off before I go back but my parents aren't allowing me to do that. I've tried to explain to them how I'm not emotionally ready for something like that and I feel I need to be before I go. They're really strict and I feel if I'm not good enough for them how will I ever be good enough or college. So that's the MAIN part of the reason as to why I haven't been updating recently...I've been having a battle with myself. I have no idea what to do.

I struggle with depression and anxiety which takes all the pressure my parent out on me to a whole new level. Someday i feel as if life isn't worth living anymore. But I haven't given up yet and I really hope there's not a day where I will. I've tried to explain it to my parents but they just say that my life isn't bad. That there's nothing that could make me that upset that it'll resort to that. But yeah..... So I've dealt with that for the past year.

Then there's the fact that the people I know keep getting sick or dying. My mentor recently found out she has cancer and that's been really hard. My uncle found out he has cancer. This girl I was a complete asshole to died from a heart attack, she was 15, so I feel like shit. It's not what you think! I was having an awful day and she shoved me and I kind of told her to "watch where your fucking going, bitch." So now I feel like an asshole.

Then there's this boy. We went to middle school together, I had a huge crush on him. Two of my friends and I both competed for the title of 'girlfriend'..i lost. But we were still friend, in fact we became rather good friends. It was him, Stephanie, and me. Most of my middle school memories consist of him and he was recently murdered. It didn't effect me In the way it did most of my friends being that I moved away freshman year and fell out of touch. But it still effected me in the fact that he was once a big part of my life. Most of all I feel bad for my friends from my old high school because they really knew him, they were really close to him and It hurts to see what they're going through. My good friend was effected by it greatly, she had grown close to him within the last few months and it hurt her. To know that he was there and then in a moment he was gone, it's awful. Even though he didn't deserve to die that way, he was definitely a hero. A hero in life and a hero in the way he died. It hurts though because he deserved way better, a boy like that didn't deserve to be murdered.

So, all I all, the last few months have been tough and trying. So that's the reason behind my no existent updates. I greatly apologize. My life is starting to get a little better so I hope to update more often.

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