You stayed awake all night that night. The night he told you he needed to go back. Selfishly, you couldn't believe you were here again. Selfishly, you couldn't understand why you were always waiting for him. Waiting for him to come back off tour, waiting for him to stop arguing with you, waiting for him to sort his shit out and finish rehab.
You were in two minds of wanting to look after him and wanting to stand up for yourself. When was someone gonna be strong for you for a change? You called Lita and she had no words of encouragement, no humour, you just felt her pity.
"I'll come over and help look after you and the kid" She mentioned. You didn't argue, you felt nothing.
"Are you checking in today, tomorrow, when?" You asked sitting on the bed as you watched him get his stuff together for rehearsal.
"I don't know if me going away now is the best timing for the band" He muttered as he leant to kiss you but you pulled away.
"It's not a convenient time for you to get better?" You repeated in disgust. "It's not a holiday Nikki. Do you think it's ever gonna be a convenient time for me to pick up the pieces yet again?"
You felt yourself sob as you were overcome with emotion. You expected Nikki to yell at you, but instead his arms wrapped around you.
"I'm sorry I'm putting you through this again" He muttered against your hair as you sobbed in his arms. "I didn't want it to be this way"
"Then just go Nikki. Just sort yourself out so you can be here for this family. Cause we are tired being so far down on your list of priorities" You wiped your eyes roughly. He looked sad as he cleared his throat with a nod.
"I know I haven't been the husband I promised to be to you. But I'm trying, you gotta know that I'm trying" He choked as you watched him put his head in his hands.
"Then pick yourself up and do what's right, drugs isn't it anymore Nikki. Heroin, cocaine, opioids, morphine, none of that belongs in our house, in our family. You make a choice, but it can't be both" You stated.
"It will always be you. If I leave for rehab, will it push you away, it nearly drove us apart last time" Nikki sighed.
"I will be here at the end. But I'm not sure how much more of Izzy's life I'm okay with you not being around for." You stated. "You tour for too long, when you're here you are barely here. She needs her dad Nikki."
You watched him fall apart in front of you as he put his head in his arms on the bed, choking back sobs.
"I don't want to hurt her. I want her to know me. Don't take her away from me" He begged.
YOU ARE READING
It's 1989, you are in a highly successful all girl, hard rocking metal band. You're touring the world with a number of bands who don't take you seriously. One of them being Motley Crüe. While most of the bands view you as groupies turned femrockers...