Losing My Religion

Part 2

Falling in love, we said; I fell for him. We were falling women. We believed in it, this downward motion: so lovely, like flying and yet at the same time so dire, so extreme, so unlikely. God is love, they once said, but we reversed that, and love, like heaven, was always just around the corner. The more difficult it was to love the particular man beside us, the more we believed in love, abstract and total. We were waiting, always, for the incarnation. That word, made flesh.

You sighed as you flipped your book closed, looking around the dark room with your flashlight, you peered up to the brass crucifix on the wall facing your bed and grimaced. Through the wall you could hear the sounds of your parents settling down to sleep, the drone of your dad's snores floating through the plasterboard

Earlier, at 8.30 your mom had come into your room to kneel by your bedside and recite the nightly prayers you'd had to say every night since you could talk, then as always she sat on your bed with you, asking the same question like clockwork;

"Do you have any confessions to make?" she asked you acting like the priest you saw every week

"No" you said, stifling a smile, the memory of earlier flashing through your mind, the kiss in the kitchen, the feel of his hand on your thigh, the way the water ran down the skin on his neck and had pooled slightly near his collarbone before trickling down his chest

"That's my girl" she had said, as she kissed your hair and left the room.

And for a moment you had wondered what she would have done or said if you'd answered 'yes'

Across the street, Billy also sat on the edge of his bed, checking his watch occasionally, his knee bouncing with anticipation, every now and again he'd stand up and walk over to his mirror, checking his reflection with a smirk, he heard the quiet beep-beep that signalled the hour and clicked off his bedroom light, noticing the glow of the living room through the crack at the bottom of the door, he sucked his teeth anxiously before walking over to his window, sliding it open slowly and silently, he eased his body through the gap and dropped down onto the ground. He quickly looked around to see if anyone or anything stirred from the house before he stepped lightly and quietly through the night and over into your yard.

"Hey" you heard Billy's voice muffled from the other side of the glass and smiling you looked over, you slid open the window slowly and quietly

"Hi" you whispered with a smile

"Can you fit through this window?" you asked him hushed, as you backed away from the frame

"I might need a little help" he replied quietly

"I don't know how much help I can be, I'm not very strong" you said with a laugh

You watched as he hitched himself up and crawled through the window slowly, smiling as he stumbled up, smoothing out his shirt and grinning and he scanned your room quickly

"So, this is your room, huh?" he asked as his eyes ran across the bare walls and down to your bed

"Mhm" you hummed with a small nod

He slumped down on the edge of your mattress and looked at you, you studied his outfit slowly, the way his shirt was loosely and lazily buttoned, his olive skin showing through, down to his tight-fitting jeans, hugging his thighs, his large hands running up and down the denim almost nervously as he observed you. You stepped forward and reached for his necklace, twirling the chain in your fingers as you looked at it, your focus flicked to his chest again, watching it rise and fall slowly

"Can I touch you?" you whispered as you met his gaze, he smiled slightly and nodded

You slid your hand under the fabric on his shirt and you heard him inhale sharply as you grazed your fingertips along his skin, tracing it softly, Billy reached down and unbuttoned his shirt, opening it and exposing his body for you, his eyes not leaving your face as you seemed entranced by the way his skin felt under your fingers, your delicate touch feeling almost rapturous against him, he closed his eyes and sighed, the tenderness you were showing him almost alien and he let out a small groan as you leaned forward and pressed your mouth softly to his collarbone, you lowered your body and positioned yourself on his thigh, getting comfortable as you ghosted your lips along his neck, breathing onto his skin,