This Winter

Chapter 35

This random kid looks like Noah. Just need some bluer eyes.

Senior Year

Noah doesn't call or text me after that morning.

I sat beside my phone all day waiting for a response. My own thumb constantly hovered over the call button but I refrained. I didn't want to make it worse.

I needed Noah to make the first move. It was too much of a risk for me- I didn't want his Dad to be the receiver of my messages.

So when my phone stayed message-less all Sunday, I tried to stay calm. There had to be an explanation.

Monday morning though I saw him standing in front of the boys bathroom in the math hallway, the same hallway I had first period math. Noah should've been on the other side of school, so I knew he was waiting for me.

I could see him standing on his toes, his eyes frantically searching the crowds of students. His phone in hand as he drummed it on his other in front of his chest nervously. His ocean eyes finally meant mine and he smiled hesitantly.

Relief washed over me when I noticed a small smile instead of a frown.

When I was close to him I grabbed his forearm staring into his eyes concernedly as his phone nearly slipped from his grasp.

"Are you alright," I rushed, pressing into his body a little too friendly.

"Not here," he replied and I watched his eyes look over my shoulder in fear.

With his free hand he placed it in my arm and pulled me into the bathroom. All the way into the handicapped stall that he locked.

"Well, are you okay?"

He let out a deep breath and then pulled me into his chest. His arms wrapping around my neck and his face laying against my shoulder.

"I'm okay now," he whispered and I clutched the back of his shirt tightly.

He didn't have his backpack on, probably dropped it off in English, so when he released me I slipped my own bag off and onto the floor.

"H-how is everything right now?"

He let out another breath. "I'm grounded I guess. I don't know, my Dad was pretty angry.. Mom just cried.." he trailed off as his eyes stayed concentrated on my shoulder, not meeting my eyes as tears welled. "I just didn't want to disappoint them, you know?"

I nod, swallowing a lump in the back of my throat. "You aren't a disappointment, Noah."

He sighs, "I know, I guess.. I don't think they feel like that though." He's still staring at my shoulder when he speaks again, "My Mom started talking about grandkids a-and weddings. It's like I'm letting her down."

"You can still adopt, Noah. Y-you can-"

"I know that.. she's just still upset. It's not what they planned or wanted."

"What are we going to do?" I ask a little selfishly. I can't help but fear for my own self in all of this mess.

"We just need to lay low a little while.. I'm not supposed to see you," his eyes finally meet mine and there are tears in them, "They don't want me talking to you."

"Noah-"

"Shh..," he cuts me off, "I just need you to hold me for a moment."

And I do. I pull him into my body, pressing against him as much as I can. His arms wrap tightly around my neck and I grasp the back of his shirt so tightly my knuckles turn white.

I never want to let go.

But the bell rings and an audible 'shit' comes from Noah's pretty mouth. "I shouldn't have been late, it's bad enough.."

"Just stay for a moment, it won't make a difference now."

And so he stays for a couple more seconds. Pressing his cheek to my shoulder and wishing for everything with his parents to be over with.

Finally we pull away, but not without me pressing my lips to his. "I love you," I whisper to him once my lips leave his.

"I love you too."

He opens the stall door as I'm putting on my backpack and we part ways. Wondering when we'll find another moment alone, because if I thought two weeks ago it was tough just to get alone time.. it was going to be even tougher now.

***

"Hey, Mom," I yelled once arriving home. Kicked my shoes off by the front entrance and slung my backpack against my door as I rounded my way to the living room.

She was on the chair typing away at her computer, not even bothering to look up.

"Hello?" I said again as I jumped on the sofa, causing her to jump.

"Fffuu...." she caught herself and placed her hand over her chest. With a glare she scolded, "Jeez, Ethan. You scared me."

"Sorry," I said with a grin, "I'm hungry. Did you go to the store?"

"Yeah, there's grapes in the fridge," she motioned to the kitchen as she slowly started to recover from my scare.

Without saying a word I wandered to the kitchen, pulling the bag of grapes from the fridge and running it under the sink.

"You have work tonight?" I asked.

"No," she said as I picked a grape from the stem.

"Why not?" I questioned and popped a grape in my mouth.

"I'm working tomorrow because I had a doctors appointment."

I laughed, always thinking it was funny how she worked at the hospital. But even doctors got checkups.

"What for?" I pulled a stem of grapes from the bag and ditched in the sinking, leaving it for later and sat back on the couch.

"Might be uncomfortable for you, but I have Endometriosis."

"I knew that. That's why you take those pills, or something."

"Well, my doctor brought up surgery today, because the pills aren't really working."

"Oh."

"And since I'm not really planning on having kids anymore.. I thought it might be a good option."

"Oh," I said a little dumbfounded, not really connecting how this had anything to do with pregnancy.

"You're not following," she sighed. I shook my head and she explained more, "Basically the tissue in my uterus tries to grow outside of that area. Please tell me they taught you what the uterus was in health class."

"Mhm," I nodded, "I actually learned that!"

"Well they want me to have a hysterectomy to get rid of the pain and stop the tissue from growing.. which you can't have kids after that," she concludes with a very dumbed down explanation for my sake and an audible 'oh' comes from my mouth.

"But I don't know. It's a very low risk procedure, but I'd have to take time off work."

"Well that wouldn't be such a big deal, Mom."

She shrugged, "I'd also need you to pick me up after the surgery, and I don't want you to take off for school."

"It's fine, Mom." She shrugs and goes back to typing.

She pauses for a moment and then asks, "How are things with, Noah?" I may have not told her about everything that happened over the weekend.

"Good.."

"That's good, well if I have surgery I'm supposed to rest a few days so maybe I can pity you two into cooking for me," she laughs.

"Yeah.." Fuck.

With her worrying over surgery, I definitely didn't seem to be the time to tell her my own problems. Instead I just laughed her off and decided to tell her sometime after the surgery.

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