Only a month passed and I never saw him again. I am slowly packing my stuff in boxes as I am ready to move and go to my new job since I was accepted.
Jeonghan is silently watching me, his head resting against the wall. "Are you sure you want to move away that far. It'll be hard for us to come over and help you out when you're in need."
"I'll be fine Jeonghan. I'm a grown woman. I can stand being alone. I can take this."
"I know you are independent but, you shouldn't pressure yourself either. That isn't good not for yourself nor for the child you carry."
Jeonghan and Joshua didn't want to question to why I decided to keep it. They knew they wouldn't be able to change my mind anyways. I wasn't able to kill that life growing inside of me, even if it wasn't considered human yet. I just wasn't able to give it up. I just somehow felt that I had to correct my own mistakes.
And maybe this was my way to pull myself together.
Or maybe it was partly decided because... We sometimes are looked at as if we are murderers for if we would abort an unborn child. Torn between the choices and the judgemental looks... I eventually decided to keep it and set everything right.
"But it's only 8 more months until its born and then you won't be able to work for a while and have to take care of the child and it will be so hard-"
"Jeonghan, I'll be fine. And if anything I'll call you or Joshua. And we can always figure things out. But for now I'm sure to leave because I don't want to be held back by awful memories. I want to start anew."
Joshua then walks into the room and asks, "if you see him again and he changed. What would you do?"
"I'd make him waste his time on trying to get me back like he wasted mine by staying with him."
"But, what if he doesn't want to waste time anymore. What would you do?"
"At this moment I'd kill him. But if he truly changed to be a better man. Then it truly depends on how he would set things right. I'm sure he could never and I might as well find a man that I do deserve, someone that also deserves me and doesn't waste my time."
"Fully support that," Joshua smiles and embraces me tightly, "do keep us updated alright."
"Yes dad," I chuckle and hug him back before letting go and embracing Jeonghan as well.
Not every goodbye is a sad one. Some only take a leap in time to be met again. It is like that moment you know that this goodbye isn't eternal. It is just another 'I'll see you again'.
But what was my goodbye to Jun?
Was it a real goodbye?
Or was it another I'll see you again?
I don't know. Neither does he.
I just hoped to finally be free like I am now.
Some time skips will play along of course.
Would you forgive your husband/partner if he did that to you?
Or would you move on and erase him?
And what if he actually comes back for you and completely changed... What then?