Church was never where I found God. No. Church was where I found the liars, the thieves, the sinners, and the hypocrites. In their eyes forgiveness was for all. But what point is forgiveness if you are willing in your crime? If going to church absolves you of your sins, why do you replace them with new versions of the same? All these people pray to God, he never hears you. All these people, pray to God he never sees you. I never could find him in that church.
For years I went without. The word left a bitter taste on my tongue. I could only see God for the ones that spoke his name. No God worth believing in was worth that kind of stain. Fate was a much finer friend and Luck a better lover.
But sometimes luck can hit too hard and too unlikely for simply "lucky." And fate can be too sickly. And for once I couldn't help but pray in earnest to something I never wanted to believe in. Sitting at the edge of a hospital bed I prayed to God, thanked every star, and blessed every angel I never saw.
I never found God in that church, nor in any other. I found him in an open field, amongst the tallest trees, and in a clean white hospital where the nurses whispered miracles. Lucky can't account for impossible.
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Apathy: 1. Absence or suppression of passion, emotion, or excitement. 2. Lack of interest in or concern for things that others find moving or exciting. 3. Stoicism . Freedom from emotion of any kind.