Life With The Ex, Thirteen: The Beginning Of The End.

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Nafisa and I sat down awkwardly. Since we had Anisa I only met her parents once and that was before Muhibba started living with us. I can't help but feel like a hypocrite, I was here smiling at them when I am indirectly inflicting pain in their daughter by letting my ex live with us but the truth is no matter how hard I try I can't bring myself to throw Muhibba out, I don't even want her to live somewhere else that isn't with me but I also feel guilty whenever I get back home and see Nafisa with her. She's the best thing that ever happened to me, am I being greedy for desperately craving both women in my life?

"Hashim? You're quiet" Ammi calls me. I hadn't even noticed I zoned out.

Baba held Anisa wriggling her fingers and playing with her, Honestly it's the first time I'm seeing him this way, he's usually quiet and he almost never smiles. At least not in front of me because I've heard how playful he gets.

"It's just work related problems, I zoned out. My apologies" I say back noticing that Nafisa was no longer beside me. Now she sat down beside baba taking pictures of them as he absentmindedly plays with his grandaughter.

"Don't mind her she always takes pictures. I don't know what is wrong with today's youth and media" Ammi says directing it at Nafisa.
"For memories manah" she says back to her mum pouting.

Here I am the villain in her story.......
She married a man who only thinks of himself and the worst part is he doesn't want to let her go, ever. Unless if it came to a point when he'll have to choose...

"It must be really serious since you keep zoning out" Ammi says and I smile.
"That's the price of getting promoted" I say back nervously rubbing the back of my head.
"Promotion? Nafisa, why did you tell us?" Baba asks.
"Oh! I completely forgot".

"What's going on with you? How can you forget this amazing news" she scolds Nafisa before she turns to face baba "This is how she has been acting this past few weeks, you'll tell her something now and she'll forget it seconds later" Ammi says to baba.
"Is there something you're not telling us?" Baba asks glaring at me.

If only he knew I was really behind it, what kind of a person am I?

"It's work. I've had a lot more clients lately neh who keep pestering me" she says as a cover up.
"You better find a way to fix it.....I'm surprised Hashim didn't complain" Ammi says to her. Nafisa turns around and glares at me raising her eyebrows.
"No I'm not complaining at all wallahi. We both make time for each other"

"I'm going to go see Bello" Nafisa says in a giddy tone before walking out.
"Those two are like twins" Ammi says smiling.

Despite Nafisa's quick save Baba is still glaring at me. I don't know why but I hope he didn't catch onto something because honestly that would be my end.

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Things won't get better at least not now. I keep having a feeling that things are about to get worse but I think it's just my psyche. Maybe I'm overreacting or maybe it's my conscience if I have one because honestly with the way I have been behaving lately I doubt I do.
I avoided going home last night and just when straight to a hotel room, I switched off my phone too. I wanted to sort myself out but I'm still as confused as I was yesterday, nothing has changed.

It's official I'm a sick bastard!

After taking a deep breath I opened the door to my excruciating home.
I finally walk in, releasing the breath I held.

"Salama'alaikum" I say closing the door behind me as I walked in.
Silence....

That was all I could hear.....nothing.

"Nafisa! Nafisa!" I call out but there wasn't an answer.
I hurriedly walked upstairs to Nafisa's room and found Muhibba lying down on her bed with Nafisa's favorite blue head phones.
"What are you doing here?" I ask.

She abruptly stands up, fidgeting nervously.
"Where did Nafisa go? She never leaves you in the house with her room unlocked"

"She asked me to get her some of Anissa's clothes and I got distracted"

"Wait! What?! Why did she ask for Anissa's things? Where is she?" I was scared, I didn't want to imagine what I'd do if she left me.

"Oh! You didn't know?" She asks raising her eyebrows with a smirk plastered on her beautiful, well sculpted face. I had no idea why I added the last part but I really meant it 100%.

"Didn't know what?" I ask with a sigh of frustration.

"Last night Anissa's body temperature got really high. She tried to call you but she couldn't get through.....Wai you weren't answering".

"And I'm just being informed now?!"

"Don't shout at me, it's not my fault you didn't come back home. You have nothing to worry about she told me Mansur hasn't left her side since he took her there".

"Mansur!?......Anyway which hospital are they yanzu?"

"Let me get my veil...." she walks out of the room and I follow her.

"No! Just send me the address, I'll go alone" she scoffs but says nothing back.
I get back in the room and pick up Anissa's clothes before closing her bedroom door and running out almost tripping on my own feet.

I didn't want to make Muhibba feel bad but I couldn't take her to the hospital. What would I tell everyone? And it isn't fair that she had to face Muhibba when she is too worried thinking about her child's life. I'm not that heartless.....I know it's shameless talking about how I'm partially selfless towards my wife but I can't help it. I don't know how to control it.

I couldn't think straight. I couldn't imagine what she is going through right now. She's there alone worried about the health and life of her daughter when I'm supposed to be right next to her as her husband and the father of her daughter. I am a terrible bastard but I don't want to see her hurting.......I never want to see her hurting especially because of a selfish fool like me. It makes no sense that I know all this and yet still behave like a douche but I don't have control over my heart and my heart controls my body......so if you haven't figured it out yet I'll tell you.....I'm a sick man who apparently has an amazing wife and beautiful daughter and yet I can't say I'll choose them 100% over my ex.......I'm A BASTARD!!!

And a bastard like me should end up in the depths of hell.

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