Tonight is the season finale of ServiTude and Kessl8 is stresssssssing. Not stressing enough to actually clean anything. But stressing enough to think about cleaning, which is a lot! If you think about it!!!
Actually. Being the first person to win on ServiTude without actually doing any cleaning would be so in line with her brand? If she could pull it off? Really something to consider. Except she's NOT going to win because Qynka & Qannen are being lame as hell and they keep moving apartments and having their own drama, separate from her. Like she's been trying to be a major bitch to them all season and come in between them sexually and she's still just a background character. Which is against everything she believes for and stands in.
Meanwhile the city streets are all pristine and beautiful which feels like a personal attack on some level. She's walking from her apartment to The Grand Butera for her shift at the Trrashicans, and what a difference a season finale can make. No trash piled up anywhere, no garbage to climb over to get get into stores, no logos touching the ground. So respectful.
The season (series!) finale of The Refusees had been amazing. Mexel Moracel and Killandra Kexolin, the 2 clan leaders, waging an all-out battle against each other, both utterly distraught and blaming each other for the double-suicide of their sons, Melidoptera and Kexopentine. The trash and recycling and composting piling up everywhere for weeks bc they're both too distracted and upset to even deal with it. A series of twists and reversals leads at last to a death battle atop one of the Moracel's dual-treaded garbage tanks as it careens through the Kulture district, until finally Mexel throws Killandra off the side and she gets crushed beneath the heavy 6-wheeled treads of the tank.
All done, right? NOT QUITE. Mexel returns to his fortress to gather what remains of his clan and quash the last few holdouts of the Kexolin rebellion when!? suddenly?! Melidoptera! And! Kexopentine! Appear! Alive!!!!
They faked their deaths because they knew their parents would never accept their love and they figured, let everyone run around killing each other while we chill romantically on the low and give each other slow h*ndjobs.
And then with Killandra out of the way they kill Mexel together!!!@! Romantic!!?!! Much?!?!?!?
The boys announce a new era of unity and cleanliness, combining the utilities and services their contentious families have provided for generations under one new brand, next season on a new show called Trash Boys! F*ck. 2 hot boys making out while they clean the city. She was going to need new pants.
A new spirit of cooperation and togetherness was born. People celebrated b y helping out, they were so excited to see the tanks prowling the streets again, people went out to help, taking pics of themselves hoisting trash bags up into the back of the behemoth tanks. It was one of the happiest endings ever.
It would be cool to make an appearance on Trash Boys somehow, Kessl8 thinks, if she survives. They're sooo hot. But on the other hand there's probably so much cleaning on that show too tbh.
So that happens, it's a whole thing, and then the Arena Battle is a whole other thing. Kessl8 was there, camped out with her friends in front of a SuperZyme, screaming their heads off in prayer that one or both Trasshicans would die, and it looked like it might happen! But then stupid Qynka upends everything which is so frustrating, because then they move into a bigger apartment? Which is more surface area to clean? (Theoretically?)
So everyone's talking about the season finale of The Refusees, everyone's talking about the Arena Battle, and now it's the season finale of ServiTude, and what, it just ends with her quietly cleaning up some vast and empty apartment? UGH. The other contestants on ServiTude have torn their hosts lives apart in all kinds of interesting ways. What has she done. She's needs to create a problem. Something that will get her off ServiTude and on to her own show where she can freaking relax, finally.
She rounds the corner of NorthWest Street, almost to the Grand Butera, when 2 boys step in front of her and block her way. One of them has amazing hair and one of them has amazing eyes and they are both extremely cute and hot and cute and hot and cute.
The boy with the hair: "H-"
Kessl8: "Waow you 2 are sooo cute and you have a whole weird and mysterious thing going on I'm. Really into it."
The boy with the hair: "W-"
Kessl8: "I insist on dating both of you at the same time. What do you think. You both be my boyfriends and you have to do everything I tell you. Sexually."
The boy with the eyes: "U-"
Kessl8: "You both wait on me hand and foot and compete for my attention and do everything I say and every night we take turns sp*t-r*asting each other. Extremely fair deal. Win win."
The boy with the hair: "H-"
Kessl8: "Just something to think about."
The boy with the hair: "I-"
Kessl8: "I'm thinking about it."
The boy with the hair: "W-"
Kessl8: "You'll think about it, right?"
The boy with the hair, finally: "YES TOTALLY BUT FIRST WE NEED SOMETHING FROM YOU."
Kessl8: "OK bitch f*ck yes now we're talking. Gimme." And she loops her arms through theirs and pulls them in step with her and they start walking.
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