calm as chaos, clear as smoke ✓

𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘥𝘨𝘦

if I jump,
I don't expect you
to catch me.
my body is a graveyard
and you buried me in it
long ago.
you didn't even leave
flowers for me
to watch wither and die
as time passed.
all you left
was broken glass
under my skin.
⠀
the edge of the world
calls to me
the way the sun
calls to the ocean waves.
I don't want to die.
the blood in my mouth
is just getting too hard
to swallow.
my hands have traced the cliffs
and tangled in the wind.
I know I don't belong here.
maybe I will find my home
over the edge.
⠀
my bones rattle
inside my body
from the many times
you've rearranged me.
but glue
doesn't hold broken bones
together.
I tell you this
with bated breath,
knowing you'll tear
my lungs from my chest
the moment I disagree.
it's worth it, though,
seeing you tremble
like a shadow upon
the swirling ocean.
⠀
they say
love
will
overgrow
all
you've
ever known,
but I still see the cracks
in my skin
and the blood
on my hands
and the glass
covering my heart.
⠀
maybe I don't love you anymore.
maybe you never loved me.
but a storm is a storm,
whether there is
visible destruction
or not.
and you destroyed me
on the inside.
completely
obliterated
all the parts of my body
I need in order
to survive.
⠀
maybe I destroyed you, too.
maybe the flames weren't meant to be touched.
you can't teach pain
to not hurt
if there's carnage
left behind.
⠀
when I stand
on the edge,
I feel life
try to tug me back.
you never once
lifted a finger
for me
expect to
cause agony.
on the edge,
I am reminded
that there is more
to this world
than destruction
and pain.
I step back
and feel ready
to try
all over
again.