I had to cut our trip short this is something very serious. My mother has done a lot but this takes the cake that woman has lost it! Of course Tammy is upset I'm sure she thinks I am still upset about earlier. She hasn't said anything since I told her we were leaving. As I've been driving she just sat listening to music with her headphones.
I might've been a little harsh how I dismissed her earlier. If I'm gonna do better in this relationship things will have to change with in us both. We have to make this work I've come to love her way to much to just let her go. Squeezing her thigh she looks over taking out one of her headphones.
"Can we talk?" Pulling into a spot at some random gas station I turn completely towards her. This issue with my mother is big but Tammy is bigger...she's the woman I love and plan to spend the rest of my days with.
She looks up at me then back down to her hands in her lap. Getting out I climb into the back seats motioning her to follow. Once with me I have her sit on my lap.
"I'm uh....I'm sorry about the way I treated you today. I shouldn't have just let things play out that way. The whole situation seems way drawn out."
"I know and it's my fault I shouldn't have tried pushing you to tell me it doesn't even matter anymore." She shrugs.
"It seemed very important to you but my answer wasn't enough. I truly do not have any kinks or realistic fantasies sure I have some of a night with a female celebrity but since those things will never happen I didn't feel they were really something to mention and I should've told you that instead of ignoring you so I'm very very sorry Tammy I don't want us to deal with complications in our relationship by not talking to each other. You are the woman I love and these will happen but as long as we end up kissing and smiling before continuing with our day is all I ask. Ok I love you so much."
My hands rub on her arms trying to get her to look at me. She stopped mid sentence. Seeing a tear I frown lifting her head up.
"Baby I said sorry I didn't know-"
"It's not you Chase....it's never you. It'll always be me." She shakes her head combing through her hair. "I'm so fucking damaged it's like I just can't let anything good happen to me!"
"No no baby that's not true." I hug her close to me.
"I'm sorry Chase for being so dramatic. It's still some things I need to work on like trusting and not comparing everyone to each other. I hate to keep bringing him up because I truly hate that man everything he's done to me and I know your nothing like him. Gabe use to make me do all kinds of crazy shit and I just thought if I ask you now before the sex becomes more frequent and I just want to be able to keep you happy and pleased so you don't-"
She tried getting up but I kept a hold on her. "No we need this don't leave. What do you think I'll do?"
"You might not love me anymore. That may be stupid but I spent years halfway with a man that made sex the key part of our if you wanna call it that a "relationship" and I'm scared that it's not just with him but all men. He's the only experience I have with men...and now I'm potentially going to ruin the best thing to ever happen to me because I'm so stuck on bullshit. He never loved me never treated me with respect or anything and-" she signed crying more. "I know I'm a real piece to work and I'm not making it any easier on you. I wouldn't blame you for just giving up on us."