I Don't Believe in Love

Mum's Grave & Ahmad's Crush

"Hey mum. Yeah I know it's been a while since I last visited, but I'm trying to fix up what dad did 11 years ago. Remember how I came to you and asked you for forgiveness the other day? Well now I have to find that girl and ask her for forgiveness too. I just don't know which one it is."

I hadn't visited my mother's grave for 2 weeks now, and I felt guilty. I had loved her so much, that when I had lost her at the age of only 4, I had cried and locked myself away. It had taken two years for me to finally let her go, and to continue with my life.

I looked now at her simple grave. There were no flowers placed around its marble surrounding or was there any delicacies planted in the soil covering my mother's corpse. There was no fancy gravestone, or any nice words of goodbye written on her gravestone. It was just a plain white grave, but it was my haven.

My mother had insisted in her will that her grave not be decorated; just have two wooden pickets on either end of her grave stating when she died. She had believed in god, Allah in fact, and I just couldn't understand why. If Allah was a merciful god, then why did he take my mother from me at such a young age? I didn't believe in god, the same way I didn't believe in love.

I thought about it now, and I thought about how proud my mother would have been of me for enrolling at a school teaching the religion she had followed. Then it hit me, I could make my mother happy again. I just wish death hadn't taken her away. Why god? Why did it have to be my mother?

***Flashback***

"Mummy, will you ever leave me and go away?"

A pair of soft delicate hands stroked Anthony's cheeks, and he lifted his head to look into the most beautiful honey brown eyes he had ever seen.

"Only if god, Allah, wants me too, because if he wills it, it will be for a good reason."

"But, mummy, I'm only 4."

He held up his fingers showing her he could count.

"Yes I know baby, but sometimes, mummies have to leave their babies so that they can learn how to grow up."

"Well, even if you did leave me, would we ever see each other again? Dad says we would but in another world, a world more beautiful than this one. A place called heaven, I think."

She smiled at the little boy in her lap and whispered gently,

"Everyone will be reunited one day my beautiful son, but as for going to heaven, you have to please god to be able to go there."

***Flashback ends***

I was going to do it wasn't I? Just to please my mother's memories, I was going to pay attention to what being a Muslim meant. Well, I guess I had to just wish myself luck on that one, because it was going to be real hard.

Lucy's POV

"Okay, so he's my partner and I have to deal with him. I guess I'll just make sure whenever we have school work, we go and do it at dads place. That way, I can be safe, and you won't have to worry about me."

I smiled at Leila. She had invited Ahmad over. Oh yeah, forgot to say, Ahmad's Leila's cousin. Lucky me yeah?

"What's going on? I don't get why you're so worried about this Mustafa dude. He looks like the rest of us, though I do realise half of the girls are now in love with him. What a douche."

I laughed at Ahmad. He always referred to the rest of the class as girls, but he would separate us two and call Leila his angel and me his devil. I liked the nickname; it made me feel special for once.

"Nothing, I guess."

That was Leila, trying to be optimistic.

"Oh girls, I want to ask but I keep forgetting. Would you two mind coming to Ushers concert with me tomorrow night?"

I looked Ahmad in the eyes. I knew he didn't like Usher, and it was obvious he was going to meet up with someone there.

"Okay, so who's the chick, how old is she, and what school does she go to?"

He looked down, cheeks as red as a tomato. I didn't understand why he was so shy all of a sudden. He was always the type to just flirt around and say what was on his mind. Had he changed over the term holidays or something?

"Yeah who is it? Come on Ahmad tell us."

He looked at Leila then at me.

"Well... it's you."

I looked at Ahmad with shock clearly showing on my face.

"But..."

"No, don't say anything. Just please don't. I know you don't like me, and you don't believe in love, but don't deny me the choice of falling head over heels for you. Please?"

I just nodded, not knowing what to do. All I knew was, this was going to change a lot of things. And that wasn't good.