22. Lonely Nights

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Warning: flashbacks of sexual abuse

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Warning: flashbacks of sexual abuse

"Let the rain wash away all the pain if yesterday."


It was so cold that night when I was fifteen and alone in my bed. Despite the shivers crawling across my skin, I felt comfortable under the warm blanket while gazing at the golden stairs painted over the ceiling above me in my room. The silence within the four walls surrounding me, occasionally filled with the sound of the howling wind through the slightly open window.

My phone was on silent while my thoughts were louder than ever. Thinking about the day dad left a few months ago and never came back, I was about to doze off, but my heart jumped in my chest when the crippling silence filling the void in my room was broken by the sound of the door creaking as it slowly opened.

I sat up when I saw him. Tall, dangerously wide frame and a strained face. He staggered towards me, the scent of alcohol reeking off him and slowly dominating the smell of daisies and Oreos.

He was drunk. But why was he in my room?

I swallowed hard, feeling beads of sweat dripping down my forehead. My heartbeat raged on when he pulled his tie off and threw it away. He did the same with his blazer, revealing his white shirt he had puked on.

Within a heartbeat, he had dropped himself on the edge of my bed and leaned closer, his breath a mix of alcohol and puke fanning my face. Sickness grew within me, but before I could open my mouth to say anything, his hand reached for his belt that he started unbuckling.

My heart stopped. Every bone in my body froze. Before I even realized it, his clothes were scattered on the floor and he pulled the blanket off my body before hovering over me. He felt so heavy and dangerous on top of me like a restless beast, causing me to let a painful groan escape my mouth.

I tried to use my arms, my legs, and even my head to push him off, but his palm flew across my cheek so hard that the impact turned my head, leaving me powerless underneath him. I felt tears brimming up in my eyes when he undressed me and pressed his naked body against mine, which felt so small and vulnerable under his weight.

After that, it was just pain that led to numbness. Minutes passed. Hours passed. The pain grew. The numbness grew. And I knew a part of me died that night. A part I couldn't bring back no matter how much time passed.

By the time he pulled out of me and dozed off, not bothering to get off, I was completely lost. It was like I wasn't in my body anymore, but standing in the corner of my room, watching the painfully disturbing sight.

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