dreaming || cube [complete]

twenty five

[edited]

I took a shower and brushed my teeth. I sang/screamed all my favorite songs as I washed my hair. Once I finished, I dried off and wrapped a towel around myself. What was I going to wear?

I walked to my closet, humming stupid love songs. I picked out a dark red dress, a pair of black tights, and my black ankle heels. I put everything on and looked at myself in the mirror. I couldn't wait for this date. But what if Parker was just waiting to break my heart like Jordan? I couldn't let anything like that ever happen again. But I felt so safe around him, and I felt like he wouldn't do that.

I actually felt like he loves me.

I walked down the hallway and into the kitchen, almost falling in the process. I hadn't worn heels in months, so was this really the best idea? Yes. Falling and hurting myself would be totally worth it if it meant looking good for Parker. I opened the cupboard and got a package of Koolaid powder. It was only 3:30pm, so I had some time to kill. I got a quart-sized plastic pitcher from one of the cabinets and began filling it with water. I grabbed the powder and tried to tear it open, but it didn't budge. I tried harder, but still nothing. I tried my absolute hardest and it finally opened.

But it exploded everywhere.

I had my mouth wide opened as I looked down to see the bright red powder all over my tights and heels. I quickly grabbed a paper towel, wetted it, and tried to get it off. Unfortunately, it just rubbed it in even more and my outfit was quickly ruined.

I rushed back to my room to put something else on, but I rolled my ankle and fell face-first on the cold wooden floor. All I could do now was sit up against the wall and cry. I knew this was ruining my makeup, but I didn't care at this point. My outfit was already destroyed, so why should I?

I continued to sob, feeling the mascara run down my cheeks. I soiled the dress with my many tears, good. Parker didn't deserve me anyway, he deserved better. Why did he even like me? He knew about the whole Jordan/Zach thing, so he knew I was a romantic fail! He deserved someone like Jamie, or Destiny. Or even Lucy. God, I haven't talked to Lucy in forever. She must think I've died by now. And I'm a terrible friend. I hadn't talked to Destiny since I'd been back from Canada, either. I guess I've never done anything well.

And to put myself in an even worse mood, I pulled out my phone and went on Twitter. I knew there were hate comments, but I overlooked them last time. Now it was time to confront them. I pulled up my tweet about my latest video with Parker and read away.

*cough* slut

really? Bayani, Graser, and now Parker? Sluttyyy

Get over it, he's too good for you

NO BITCH HES MINE SLUT

God, what a slut

Whoreee

You don't even make minecraft videos anymore! Unsubbing

No more minecraft vids? Probably too busy having sex with everyone you've ever "loved xD

More and more hot tears rushed and they couldn't be stopped. Although they were incredibly rude, they were true.

I am a bitch.

I am a whore and a slut.

Parker is too good for me.

I don't make videos often anymore.

So, if all my fans and friends hate me, and I hate myself...

Why should I continue to live?