do you ever wonder what would've happened if you could've been there to save someone from their hurt? I constantly beat myself up because i think "what if i was there, what if i could've helped" i wish with all of my entire heart i could take my boyfriends pain away, the only reason i would ever want a time machine is to go back and get to him before they ever had the chance, and i know, don't tamper with time yada yada, but I don't care, I don't care what it would cost me. I'd endure lifetimes of pain if it would take his away, I'm being serious, I would in a heartbeat. I guess that's what love does.
before I met alex I'd given up on having a future, and I'd never try to say he saved me, but in away i think we save each other everyday. i didnt think I'd ever trust people again, not really, id given up on getting married, falling in love, I didn't think I deserved it, I was on a path of destruction that only ended in my demise. And I'm not saying I don't love my friends, that they don't make life worth living, they DO, I'd die for cole, for Shiloh, no questions asked. I love my best friends with every inch of my heart.
but with Alex it's different, I don't care whether you believe in soulmates, he is mine. I was drowning for so long and all he had to do was smile at me and suddenly I was gasping for air.
it just makes me so angry that anyone would ever want to hurt him, someone so compassionate, and hilarious and adorable and GOOD. You have to be truly a monster, undeniably evil, to want to hurt someone so pure. my whole body aches when I think about the shit he's had to endure. but you know, it's okay, it will be okay.
because we have each other now, and everything happens for a reason, we will mend each other's wounds, and I will keep him safe, with me I will ALWAYS make sure he's safe.
i can't wait to marry him. I know that's a ways off but. he's going to look so beautiful, I'm going to cry so much. I'm so embarrassing.
I can not fix him, and he can not fix me, you can not love someone's mental illness away. but we love each other through it. and I know it will be okay as long as we are together.