The staircase Ritual

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If you're reading this, it's likely because you're at your wit's end. You've been watching too many scary movies, or maybe you've read a few too many creepy pastas, or perhaps you've just been left alone with your own thoughts for far too long. You keep hearing suspicious noises, you're not sure but you think that shadow in the corner just moved, and/or you just feel a presence other than your own and you've become uneasy. At this point, you just want to know - and you want to know for absolutely sure - is there something in your house? Should you be worried about it? What's going to happen to you if you succumb to your desire to close your eyes and go to sleep?

Well, you've come to the right place. If you really want to know, I will now delegate to you the first of many methods. This ritual is designed to detect the activity of the supernatural, demonic and/or worse. Here's what you'll need:

1. A staircase, preferably one with twelve or thirteen stairs (excluding the landings) but you can do it with up to sixteen. It is highly inadvisable that you use a staircase with seventeen or more stairs or a staircase with eleven or less stairs.

2. A small, portable fan. It's suggested one that runs on battery. If you have one, you can use a fire puffer as an alternative.

3. A cup of water

4. A handful of dirt

5. A candle. Make sure it is one that will not burn out easily. And something to light it with.

6. A picture of your house or whatever stood in the place of your house from as far back as you can get

7. A picture of your house as it is now

8. A pair of dice

9. Two watches or small clocks, preferably analog but if you only have digital, that's fine

10. A food offering. It must be an animal product.

11. A mirror

12. A handful of ash

13. A few dustbunnies

14. A bug or another living and easily overpowered creature.

15. Something from your body (a toe/fingernail, a lock of hair, saliva, blood, a tooth, etc.)

16. Salt

17. A weapon, preferably one made of silver

To begin, you will want to prepare your stairs. You must be aware of the exact time that you begin this ritual and you must begin during the afternoon as the entire ritual must be completed during PM hours. If you have twelve or thirteen stairs you will start by standing on the bottom landing. If you have more stand on the bottom stair and place the first item on the next stair. From here recite: "It is from here whenceforth I shall commence"

On the first stair, place the small fan but don't turn it on. If you're using a fire puffer, fill it up with air and don't puff it out. Place it on the stair instead of a fan. As you do so, recite: "Here is the air that mortal breathes."

On the second stair, place the glass of water. As you do so, recite: "Here is the water that mortal drinks."

On the third stair, place the handful of dirt. Try to spread it wide. As you do so, recite: "Here is the earth on which mortal stands."

On the fourth stair, place the candle but don't light it. Leave whatever you intend to light the candle with beside it. As you do so, recite: "Here is the fire that burns mortal's hands."

On the fifth stair, place the picture of your house from the past. As you do so, recite: "Here is the time that has come to pass."

On the sixth stair, place the picture of your house as it is now, and roll the dice beside it. Pray that it does not come up a high number. As you do so, recite: "Here is the present and the die are cast."

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