Rain pounds against the thin window of Cam's beat up, busted, old Camaro. It's a nice sound to hear when there's a roof over your head. It's relaxing, and as his naked body curls me into him, I feel the pull of sleep tugging at my eyes.
It's been a long while since I've been this comfortable; even if there is a spring from the backseat sticking in my ass.
Our intertwined bodies are the only heat in the car, but it's still the warmest I've been in almost a year.
We lay in silence, and the only sound I can hear from him is heavy, even breathing. I sneak a peek at him, and my breath hitches. His quaffed, blonde hair has a strand that's fallen across his left eye, and his jaw is set, emphasizing the glory of his finely chiseled face. Even without the addition of his seaweed green eyes, he's spectacular to look at...
But I could never fall in love with him.
The thought jolts me awake and I pull from his body and move into the front seat, wrapping my long-worn denim jacket around me. My feet absentmindedly occupy the dashboard as I spark up a cigarette and look up at the stars.
Music plays lowly on the stereo. I reach for the nob and increase the volume a couple of decibels – not enough to wake Cam from his sleep, just enough for me to hear the words. It's an old song that I can't remember the name of, but it gives me some sort of emotional release.
My head turns to look at him, and the guilt sets in. Tonight, he's with me and his parents are at their wits end with worry. His phone vibrates inside of the glove compartment and as usual, I ignore my urge to reach for it and give the people who actually love him peace of mind.
I ask myself why I'm here ... It's been a whole twelve months since I left this godforsaken town, and I should have stayed gone; if not for my sake, then for Cam's.
It's not fair that I keep using him this way. He's in love with me, and my heartless ass pops back every so often for food, money, and a night in his backseat.
True, life on the streets isn't glamorous, but I shouldn't drag him into my mess; especially when I don't plan on making good on our plan to run away together.
The boy has a life here – he has a family who cares about him, he has friends, school, football, and he's on track to get a scholarship to any goddamn college he wants. I'm not about to be the reason that he ends up living a miserable, cold existence in the harsh world.
I suck down the toxic smoke and wheeze. My eyes catch sight of themselves in the rear-view mirror. They're bloodshot, reminding me of how many hours I've gone without resting them. I push my hand through the gaps in-between the seats and feel around for my clothes.
When I find them, I strip bare before pulling my leggings over my legs and my ratty T-shirt over my head. Using my jacket as a blanket, I settle down into the seat and rest my head against the glass.
I know that I can't sleep for long. It's already two-am, and I have to be out of here before Cam wakes up and convinces me to spend forever in his arms.
The music provides a soundtrack to my thoughts, and it's not long before my eyes close...
And I'm transported from one hell to another.
I see the car fast approaching, but somehow I'm stuck to the spot. My only hope is that the driver sees me in time, but in this hard downpour, his vision is skewed.
My eyes pan the scene, and I see the other me, she's running for me, but we both know it's too late... just another missed opportunity.
If I could somehow throw myself out of the way, I could save myself... and her.
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