All In The Mind

5

Freddie left the hospital and went back home. He got a taxi and was completely silent on the journey. Usually he would be having a chat to the driver, getting to know them. He just wasn't in the mood. His heart was broken and his emotions were confused.

He loves John. But he loved the John before the accident, the John now doesn't love Freddie back. A fresh start until he gets his memory back may be a good idea. Freddie didn't want all the memories they had lost forever. That's what broke his heart the most.

Freddie walked into their London house. Taking his jacket off at the door and slumping in his usual spot on the sofa. The space next to him was empty, no John to fill his place. Roger and Brian were on the other, slightly longer, sofa.

"How's Deaky?" Brian asked

"Still doesn't remember anything but you" Freddie let his arms fall to his sides

"I'm sorry Freddie. I feel really guilty. It should've been you he remembered, if I could I would swap places" Brian rambled

"Brian, it's ok. He'll remember, he has to" Freddie stared out of the window

"When is he being discharged?" Roger piped up

"Tomorrow. I said we would all be there" Freddie stared

"Course we will" Roger smiled

"Yeah. We'll bring him back here and maybe if he feels like it we can go to the studio, see if he knows anything there" Brian said

"Good idea" Freddie mumbled

Freddie sat there in silence just staring. Roger and Brian started their own conversation until they realised how sad Freddie was.

"Talk to us Fred" Roger said sweetly

"I'm just helpless" Freddie closed his eyes, trying to avoid the fact that tears were threatening to drop

"You're not!" Brian protested

"I am! There is nothing I can do to help Deaky. I can't force him to remember me, that's not how it works" Freddie snapped

"Give him time" Brian said softly in contrast to Freddie's outburst

"Yeah. He doesn't know me either. I know it's different because he is your boyfriend but it still hurts" Roger said. This was the first time he was honest about how he felt about this while situation

"You're right. I'm just being selfish. I'll go to bed." Freddie stood up and headed out of the room and upstairs

Freddie and John's room was right at the end of the hallway. Freddie managed to keep the tears in until he reached the door. He quickly stepped into the room and locked the door behind him. Freddie picked up the photo frame which sat on John's bedside table. In the photo was the couple with their arms wrapped around each other, smiling contagiously. Freddie couldn't help but grin, even if he was in floods of tears. Brian took that photo backstage on the first tour they were dating. Brian was always taking pictures, which Freddie thought was a pain then but now he is thankful that memories are there even if John can't remember. The photos made the memories physical, they did happen and the photos were proof.

Freddie kissed the photo. He then laid down on the bed. He was laying on John's side. He could smell him on the pillow. He had an enchanting smell. Freddie didn't know what to do with himself, whatever he did he would either end up crying or being angry. He decided to stay laying in the bed, staring at the ceiling, so he wouldn't be a burden on anyone else. Of course he wouldn't have been a burden, Freddie just didn't know how else to feel.