What Matters Most

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What can you do for love? Are you willing to give up everything for love? Are you willing to do anything for the sake of love?

Maybe you still can’t answer my questions, but when the right time comes, I know… you can. For now, what’s more important to me is that we live in the present… and the present beholds the future.

Why am I saying these things? This is not me. Maybe it’s all because of my special someone. I don’t want to lose her. She is the most important person to me. I was too confident that I won’t lose her. But after I have realized everything, I already did something wrong; A mistake that someone in a relationship must not commit. I know you understand what I’m talking about. I didn’t mean it. It was an accident, and believe me…I really don’t want that to happen.  I can’t sleep every night. My conscience keeps haunting me… killing me softly. So I decided to tell her everything, and as I tell her the details of the story, she gave me harsh words in return, and I accepted all of them because I know it was so painful on her side. It was like her heart was turned into stone. That’s why I’m here, taking a bus to see her and ask for her forgiveness.

I have never felt anything like this before. It makes my stomach grumble and makes my knees shudder. My heart beats so fast and my face goes wishy-washy. But what should I do?! It was my first time to ride a bus alone and my first time to go there. I can’t back out. I have to go on. Of course I have no choice! I’m already on the bus and had paid my fee. Remembering that it was my fault keeps me moving on to see her.

I sat on the 2nd row of the bus. It was 6:30 in the evening. It was raining outside.

It was silent. I felt very cold. Thank goodness I had my jacket with me. While I was wearing my jacket, the radio was turned on, playing I’ll be there for you by Bon Jovi. It was the perfect song for that moment. And as I started to fall asleep, another song was played, the Glee’s version of Faithfully. It pierced my heart knowing that the song is about being faithful; still I enjoyed listening to it –I’m a Gleek. I finished the song and closed my eyes for a while. I knew it will be a long trip.

By eight in the evening, I was on their town but still not on the place where she was. I asked for directions and rode a jeepney. It took 20 minutes before the jeepney was full and started moving. I dropped by a convenience store to buy some stuff –I forgot to bring my toothbrush… Yeah I know I was sloppy. I went to the cashier and paid for my toothbrush. I knew that I would be waiting for a long time so I sat first on a chair at the store and waited. It was cold still, but this time there were more people around me. There were couples quarreling about their lost money, chatting about what happened to them the whole day. I just can’t relate to what they were talking about. To avoid boredom, I took my notebook from my bag and started sketching on it, hoping it would ease the pain. I started creating doodles at first but without knowing I already sketched her. Her face was bare so I tried to make the drawing happy but in the end I discovered the face was nothing but a sad one. Maybe, the drawing just reflected how I felt.

Afterwards, a song was played in the store. It was the Glee’s version of Billionaire – my LSS for a long time… until now I guess. After listening to the song I went out of the store, since I was getting shy already. I rode a tricycle going to where she was. By 9:30, I was there standing outside the building and I texted her I was there. She didn’t reply. I’ve waited…and luckily she came. I was speechless. I wanted to hug her but I couldn’t, for we were in a public place. She’s more beautiful in person. She talked to me casually and instructed me to wait for her. And of course I’d waited.

We went somewhere else so we could talk, but before I opened my lips to apologize, she kissed me… and told me that she still loves me even after what I have done wrong. I wanted to cry out loud but I was happy. I cherished the moment. The pain was all gone. All the waiting is worth it. No words could express how I feel.  All I know is that I love her…And that’s what matters most.

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