III - Plan

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My days seemed to blend one into the other with no sense of night and day, it's safe to say I've locked myself in Grimmauld Place.

The pain and wounds too fresh to go out in the world and watch all these pathetic pests celebrating the defeat of my master by my hands, oh what a fool I've been to not recognize what was in front of me all this time, I thought to myself bitterly.

How I wished to kill all those who bear my master's mark and now turning their backs to him even though they promised him eternal loyalty, I wished to kill all those who betrayed the dark and my master and those who helped the light to defeat my master.

Every single one would pay, I vowed to  myself "starting with that turncoat Snape"

But first I needed a plan

And what better place to search for best ways to kill someone than the library belonging to one of the darkest family of wizarding Britain.

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Is this what turned him insane?

This emptiness in his soul and the never-ending need to fill it up again?

Is this what caused his descent into madness and somewhere along the way the most brilliant student to ever walk the hallways of Hogwarts to turn into a megalomaniac?

Maybe he and I aren't so different

Maybe he and I weren't meant to be

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It was the first time in several weeks since the final battle that I was able to think clearly, sitting with my friends and their family, looking at their smiling and happy faces makes me bitter and I longed for something I never even knew I carried inside me.

Somehow looking at Ginny's bright, beaming and smiling face no longer elicited the same flutter in my chest. I feel like I should be happy, content, free
Yet all I feel is this sense of loss and numbness like ice spreading through my veins.

I was no longer bound by a prophecy so why does it feel so wrong?

Maybe I just don't know what freedom tastes like

Ginny was looking at me with hope, no doubt with dreams of a future together But how could we settle down? I didn’t know what peace was, what love was. I didn’t even know who I was. I was no longer the carrier - the protector - of Voldemort’s soul. It felt wrong. My chest ached as if missing a piece of myself.

They are nothing compared to Master
Don't let these light fools deviate you from what needs to be done

Yes Master, how could I forget?  Not a single light loving fool would be alive after I avenge my master and then I can join my master in afterlife

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I was once again searching through the extensive Black library for something for the traitor.

Not to kill

oh no that would be too merciful for the turncoat, he needs to stay alive and suffer for that is the least he deserves for betraying his sworn lord.

All this time I blindly followed the light, never questioning their motives, their goals and all they did

NO, ALL DUMBLEDORE DID IS TO RAISE ME LIKE A LAMB FOR SLAUGHTER

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