Troyler Forever

Chapter 32: I Don't Want To

Tyler's POV

When Zoe gave me that little speech, I asked her to leave, and to give me a second to catch my breath. I have been holding it ever since I saw Troye. I guess I kind of do want to start over...in a way. I'm not going to just go back to normal. I can't. I don't really want to. I wanted to see Jacob. I wanted to look into his pure, silky, hazel eyes, and drown in his heat. I wanted to fly away, as fast as I could. I didn't want to stay with this burning feeling that I always have in my heart. You know, the one set on fire by the one and only...Mr. Troye Sivan. Ugh. I guess that brings us back to why I'm actually agreeing to do this. I wanted my Troye boy back. My bae. My heart.

In the background of my thoughts I remembered a memory.

(Beginning of Flashback)

"No, Troye! You're not old enough," I screamed at him while giggling. Troye had decided that he was going to go through my stash of alcohol.

"What world are you living in, Tilly?" he asked.

"Uh, Earth?"

"Ew. That's gross. It's not fun, and it's full of rules."

"Yeah, well, they are rules we have to follow. You're only 19. You can't drink."

"Aha! That's in YOUR country. Not mine. I'm old enough in Australia," he said, with a smirk.

"Well, you aren't exactly IN Australia...are you?"

"Where are we again," he asked after taking a swallow of liquor. He was already getting drunk?

"LA. How much of that bottle have you already drank?"

"Some," he said. "Okay, maybe, like, most of the bottle."

I cocked one eyebrow. "Most?"

"Okay, all of it," he said with a giggle.

I took away the bottle. Yep, he took all of it out and poured it down his throat. I wasn't paying attention to Troye, but I should've been. He already had another bottle open, and was chugging it. I took the bottle out of his hands after about watching him for 16 seconds (yes I had been counting). Too late. It was gone.

"Um, no more," I said.

"But, Tyler!" he whined. "I want to drink some more."

"No," I said.

"Well, if there's anything I can do to persuade you please tell me, because you have the best liquor in the world," he said, genuinely fascinated.

I thought about what he said for a second. You can kiss me, I thought to myself. No. Troye didn't like me like that. He just recently came out of the closet about him being gay and all. I wished he knew how I felt. I guess that would be saved for another date and time.

(End of Flashback)

The memory I was playing behind my eyes slowly faded to darkness and black. That night was so much fun. Eventually, Troye fell asleep, and I drug him to my room and my bed. Right when I was about to leave, he asked me to lay with him. I was ecstatic. I hurried to take him up on his offer.

"Hey, Ty," I heard a familiar voice say. I looked up, and saw Jacob standing in front of me. "I didn't get to really talk to you. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" I asked, my voice strained.

"Because you're crying kinda hard right now," he stated bluntly. He walked over to me and wiped away my tears.

"I'm crying?" I said. I didn't even know that I was. Whatever. I didn't like to cry in front of people, but I felt comfortable around him. He understood me in a weird way.

"Yeah, you are," he whispered. There was just silence for a while, but then I felt the tears rolling down my face, but this time I knew I was crying. He embraced me in his arms, and just rocked me back and forth. He cupped his hands around my face and looked at me. "It's going to be all right. You need to start believing that. I'm always here. Do you want me to go beat Troye up?" he asked. I started laughing and so did he.

"Sure. Just videotape it and send it to 'America's Funniest Videos'. I'm pretty sure we'll win," I stated.

"Okay, but I need you to tape it. 'Kay?"

"Okay."

"He's....He's about to come in. Do you want me to stay?"

I shook my head. "No, thank you. But this is a battle this on my own."

"Okay, so what's this battle called?" he asked curiously.

"Love. It's called love. And I think he's about to win," I said. I think he IS about to win. Just walking through the door made me realize how much I actually missed him...and how much I actually still do love him.

Damn it. I promised myself I would not do this. I can't go straight for it. I have to try something new.

"Jacob?"

"Yes?"

"Come closer to me," I said. Should I do it?

"Okay." He leaned in closer. I can't.

"Closer," I whispered. He leaned in closer.

No no no no no!

You know what? I'm going to do it.

"Now...now kiss me!"

He looked surprised at first, but leaned in and kissed me.

I felt so many different emotions. His soft pink lips were so amazing. He tasted like salt, and I loved it. Jacob's eyes were closed, and eventually I closed mine too. I saw so many colors behind my eyes. I saw pink and red and blue, green, yellow, EVERYTHING. It was like being filled back up again with air that I so desperately needed. He also filled me with love and happiness. The only person I knew who could do that was Troye. But I guess now someone can. All my pain, misery, memories, and longing went away. Even Troye went away. But his kiss didn't feel like anything. No, I take that back. It didn't feel like Troye. Why did he do this to me? I just wanted him to get out of my head. Just for one minute.

Then I heard him talking to Zoe as he walked in.

Oh. Shit.

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Hey, Guys! Kelsey Here. Okay, so I'm super excited!!! I have 33 reads. Hey! That's a big accomplishment for me. I wanted to say thank you all, because without you guys I wouldn't be writing this. Sorry this story sucks and I'm also sorry for not updating sooner.

Troyler FOREVER!

TRXYE