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It's been a month..

Sobrang stressed na ako at nasa condo nalang ako palagi. Okay lang naman grades ko pero after passing and becoming a doctor wala na akong plans. Wala akong plano sa buhay ko. It's more becoming a doctor lang talaga.

"Rivero" he stood up.

Wala na akong alam sa ganap nya sa buhay. After that morning we ate breakfast and his phone rang at agad na itong umalis without finishing his meal. I finished his microbio and left it infront of his unit. That same night he said thank you. At wala na. Hindi na kami nagpapansinan. I don't know what happen to his mom. The silence is killing me. Di ako sanay. Maybe because he was fun to talk to. Yung may sense na kausap.

"Give me locations of the pulse as many as you can."

"Carotid, Brachial, Radial, Apical, Popliteal, Femoral, Dorsalis Pedis and Posterior Tibial." He answered everything.

He's still smart. He still amaze me.

I'm dying to know how he've been. May utang pa kaya to' sakin. I was gonna ask when I saw him hug and kiss a girl. Baka it's Alliah. She's pretty at mukhang mabait naman.

I sighed.

At least he is in good hands.

Nagsimula na akong maglakad palayo.
May mga tao talaga in a short period of time, they make your nerves calm at one point.

Midterms na next week. I should focus on this and not other things. Pagdating ko sa condo kumuha ako ng san mig light and cigarette. I got my book and started studying.

I wrote important things sa notebook ko and highlighted other things. Nagugustuhan ko na mag aral. It's kinda addicting kasi.

"I miss you." A familiar voice appeared.

I saw how he sat down infront of me and smiled.

"Di mo ko namiss?" Tanong nya sakin.

What the hell is going on?

Sasagot na sana ako ng tumunog yung phone ko. Fuck. Was I daydreaming? Langya.

Kuya Azkile's name appeared. Agad ko itong sinagot.

"Wru?"

"Condo. Studying for midterms."

"We miss you. Hangout daw tayo this sunday."

"Family bonding? I miss you guys, too."

"Yea. They're celebrating kasi they have a patient na may liver cancer. Stage 3 and she survived." Napangiti ako. My parents are really hardworking. I'll be like that someday.

"Alrightie! See you."

I hung up and continued studying. Trying to understand and memorizing the words.

Paano kaya kung he's my ideal guy? May chance ba na magiging kami?

What if I wasn't so broken that I can still be capable of loving? Will I give him the chance?

What if I told him I don't want things to just stay here? I want to be friends. Will he?

What if I told him I want to spend every day with him cause I want to get to know him? Will something change?

Tanginang what ifs. I can't study kung yung isipan ko wala naman dito. Kainis naman.

I still love my ex. Pero why am I getting curious? I just want to know what he's up to? How is he? Ano grades nya? How's his mom? What he does pag free siya? Yung little things lang.

As much as I want to approach him first, parang ayoko din. Bahala na nga. Babalik yun pag pwede na or baka hindi. For now, I'm happy I could still see him and that I could still sit beside him.

Ba't kailangan pang lumayo? Diba pwede maging sweet nalang sa isa't isa pero walang label? Walang hulugan? Yung ganyan lang? Pwede naman siguro noh?

Kainis! Hindi mo naman siya ideal guy, Akilia! Ba't iniisip mo siya? Namimiss mo lang siya kaya ganyan ka. Miss lang, Akilia. Wala ng iba kaya stop yourself from doing anything.

I heard a knock at agad akong tumakbo papunta sa door. Akala ko si Rivero hindi pala.

It's a pizza delivery. Di naman ako nag pa pizza ah.

"Mali ka ata kuya?"

"Akilia Larazabal daw po. Unit 3208. Bayad na po yan, ma'am." Kinuha ko nalang iyon.

Who gave me this?

Di na ako pinahirapan kasi I saw a letter na nakafold. Kinuha ko na yun at binasa.

"Thank you for everything. -Rivero."

Hindi ko alam pero instead of being happy parang I felt sad. Pwede naman sa personal ah?

Kumain nalang ako and tried studying. Bahala na.

Why is this such a big deal for me? Can't I just care for both of them? Yung ex ko and si Rivero. Why do I sound so selfish? Masasaktan ko lang si Rivero.

Napapikit nalang ako.

It's better this way,

Staying away from each other.

Ricci Rivero, MD Where stories live. Discover now