Chapter 10 - Without You

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He knew he had a problem

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He knew he had a problem. You were his problem. You were his new addiction. And he had a jealousy streak he couldn't control. He knew you didn't mind so much unless it was getting out of hand. When you mentioned the new singer a couple of weeks ago, he knew it was one of those things he had to let go.

All of his ex's were jealous, they hated him going out, hated groupies hanging around him, hated any attention he had that wasn't from them. He kinda understood it now, and while he appreciated that you weren't that type, he wished you would get jealous just a little. He felt there were times when he was just chasing you down, trying to make you love him. He couldn't understand why you weren't all over him all the time, it frustrated him.

The filming of Dr Feelgood was a success and you watched as Nikki's album flew right to number one. You were so happy for him. Motley wanted to do a big party to celebrate and they did, they put so much time and effort into it. But halfway through Nikki asked if you guys could go back to yours. He seemed kinda agitated by it all.

But here was yet another music video for the slow song of the album. You liked the song a lot, but it was kinda cheesy. Mick told you how he wanted to throw up at the premise of the music video.

"It's just cheesy as fuck. All of us trying to please some girl, or stare off into the distance while we think about her. It's gross" Mick moaned as you watched them get the set ready.

"Sex sells, but so does power ballads" You reminded him as you sipped your coffee. You watched the main woman in question. She was very pretty, very delicate looking. She spoke to the guys about the roles she was gonna take on, each individual to the guy.

You snorted as you watched the visuals against the song. When it was just the band, it was fine. When it was Vince, it was hilarious. The director was being so literal with all the lyrics.

"Watch, Tommy's gotta get freaked out by some Tiger" Mick pointed out as they filmed. You cringed and laughed, you were trying not to laugh so hard. Even the on set crew were glaring at you. You held up a hand to apologise as you tried to calm yourself down. They just kept yelling "Tommy there's a tiger, now!" To which Tommy had to look real surprised. There was no Tiger just Tommy trying out for his Oscar.

You felt bad for Mick, they kept making him redo his parts, asking him to not look so mad. How it was meant to be a soft song. Nikki would sit with you in between takes  but he occasionally went and made small talk with the director and the actress. He had a mad thing about the arts and filmography.

"Okay Nikki, you're up" The director said calling him over. You watched Nikki get into position as they rolled the song. You started out with a smile, thinking it was gonna be another hilarious moment, but it wasn't.  You weren't sure what had happened suddenly to the atmosphere. But you felt awkward, it felt..intimate.

You watched her walk over to him with some goblets, he stared at her as she pushed his shirt off. It was delicate, it was simple. But watching her hands linger across his back, up his neck, over his chest. Something turned inside you. You didn't get it, you could watch him watch strippers and be fine. It was all one big joke, but this was soft, this was beyond being a sexy video. Your jaw clenched, it was over with in a couple of seconds. He was walking back, talking to the director as he held his shirt. The actress followed, saying something about how it seemed really real and how he delivered a great performance.

"She never said that to any of you guys" You muttered to Mick.

"Yeah cause Vince is over the top, I look miserable and Tommy can't act to save his life" He snorted. You were very aware suddenly that this wasn't you. It made you feel awful, this wasn't who you were, you didn't get jealous.  You stormed out of the set and went outside. It was kinda chilly, so you wrapped your jacket round you as you paced in front of the building. You felt like you were in two minds, you felt like you were overdue telling him you loved him. You felt like you were gonna explode every time you wanted to say it and didn't. But then you were annoyed that you did love him, cause if you didn't you wouldn't be getting jealous over stupid music videos.

The door opened and Nikki walked out. You were smoking a cigarette and shivering, but he was out here still fucking shirtless.

"Put your shirt on, you're gonna get ill" You ordered before looking at the ground. You hated hearing yourself like this. He raised an eyebrow but pulled his shirt on.

"Are you pissed at me for something?" He asked and you shook your head as you dropped the butt on the floor. You huffed as you watched the actress walk out. She had her normal clothes on and a coat, she didn't even glance your way.

"It was great working with you today" She said sticking a hand out to him. He shook it and smiled.

"Likewise. It was a lot of fun" He responded. You made a face as you listened to them, kicking some stones near your foot.

"How about I give you my number and you can call me if you need me for another video or something" You heard her ask on her sickly sweet voice. You cleared your throat a bit too aggressively. You heard Nikki let out a laugh.

"You can call our management if you're interested in being in another video or something" He said patting her on the arm. "Thanks again"

You felt his arm wrap around your waist as he chuckled against your cheek. He thought it was a massive joke. You tried to push him off weakly but he just held onto you more. "You jealous?" He teased and you sighed.

"You are!" He chuckled, kissing you again "it's sweet"

"Stop! Stop making me feel like I'm about 12!" You exclaimed finally escaping his embrace. "It's not funny, this isn't who I am"

"It's a natural thing to do when you love someone. I don't like it, you don't like it. It's gonna happen babe" You watched Nikki shrug as he lit up a cigarette.

You looked at him bewildered as you tried to comprehend everything he just said.

"What do you mean when you love someone?" You said crossing your arms trying to play on the defensive. He just grinned at you and shrugged. You groaned, annoyed at his response.

"Sometimes you're the smartest person I know and then sometimes, not so much" Nikki explained. "Actually no, I wanna hear you say it."

"You wanna hear me say it?" You scoffed walking closer to him.

"Yeah, you can say it. I've been spelling it out for you for weeks and you just run away scared. Just when I think you will, you don't." He smiled, his words coaxing you. "Get some balls and say it."

"Oh" You shook your head, you hated that he was winding you up about it. "I've said it to you, loads. It isn't my fault you're asleep when I say it"

"Sometimes I'm not" Nikki replied with a shrug. "Just wondered if you were gonna ever tell me when I'm in a fully conscious state"

"Fuck you" You growled. "I love you and sometimes I really don't like you."

Your frown disappeared when he smiled brightly. He stubbed out his cigarette and opened the door back into the studio.

"I love you too. And for the record, I've said it plenty when you've been unconscious too" He winked at you before heading back inside.

"Always such a dick" You scoffed but on the inside your heart was bursting with joy.

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