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Lisa looked up and pushed me in the car. I looked confused at her whilst she was rushing to the other side of the car. The same boy from the coffee shop was approaching us and by the looks of it, Lisa wanted to avoid him. Lisa quickly got in the car and drove away before the man even came too close. I was confused but too embarrassed to even ask her what was going on.
I was embarrassed that I even tried to harm myself in front of Lisa... I had lost myself. It was like my whole body wasn't in control of me. It was just acting out... I came here so I could have a new life. A life without any of what was happening again at the shop. I just couldn't live like this. I couldn't live in fear or live the way I was living in London. I wanted to break from it. I didn't want to be reminded of my parents.
"That was close." Lisa said as she breathed out. She focused herself on the road and I just smiled softly and looked at my hands. I had no idea what I should say or how to act now with Lisa. She had no idea that I even had suicidal thoughts. I just thought it was better that I would keep that part from her. I didn't want to get that negativity between us. She already had to cope with so much because of me. I did not want her to feel even more overwhelmed.
Deep inside I feared that if Lisa would know how sad and done I was with living that she would leave. I knew the way I felt was because of my past and my family. I also knew that this dark and shady massive gap in my heart would never fill up. No matter what Lisa would do or say. I would have always felt that way and I still do. I was afraid that she would get tired eventually and leave me. I fear of her leaving me...
"Maira?" I heard Lisa ask. I looked up and looked at her. I didn't even realize that she has already stopped the car. She was looking at me worriedly but said nothing. She held my hand tightly and gave me a reassuring smile.
"Let's get out." She said and I nodded without even asking where we were, and what we were doing. Lisa already lives in America for a few months now and was familiar with the places here. I got out of the car and followed Lisa inside the park. Lisa turned herself around and held out her hand. I smiled and walked up to her, and held her hand whilst we were walking in the park.
The park was massive and I was amazed to see that almost no one was to see here. There were many trees and almost everywhere you looked you would either see a lake or flowers. I could see pigeons flying around and saw one old couple walking hand in hand.
"So are you going to tell what you were thinking?" Lisa asked. I looked at her and I could see that Lisa was disturbed by the image of trying to harm myself in any way. I looked away and sighed sharply in, and out. I shrugged and let my shoulders defiantly fall. I was tired... Tired of keeping this from her.
"I-I just..." I stammered. I struggled coming out of my words. I had no idea how I could explain to Lisa that each day I wake up I possibly just want to be dead. It would be a way to be released from the pain and this empty feeling I had. It just didn't make me feel whole. I felt like something was missing...
"Maira..." Lisa said softly and let her hand rest on my shoulders. I felt the tears burning in my eyes and I couldn't keep it in when she started to hug me. I cried and held her so tight like I was about to lose her. I sobbed loudly and kept on crying. I coughed when I choked on my sobs and hid my face in Lisa's shoulders.
It was such an amazing feeling to let all my feelings out. I could release them without Lisa trying to calm me down. She knew that I just needed someone to hold me and I was so glad that Lisa was finally here to do that. She was able to make me feel better. She could comfort me like any other friend would do for her friend.
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Falling for youFanfiction
As Maira and Lisa decided to follow their dreams in America, they had never thought that falling in love with someone could hurt so much. How heart breaking would it be to find out that they may not be the person they pretended to be or how would it...